Till the End
by sbchic012
Summary: femshep and Ashley romance..there are def not enough of these. Starts on Horizon and will go through Mass effect 3
1. Chapter 1

_This is a femShep and Ashley romance fan fic. I'm starting it in Mass effect 2 at the Horizon mission and taking it to the end of mass effect 3 where there will be a different ending unless Bioware fixes the original. I've added in extra dialogue but the story will follow mass effect 2 mostly only occasionally adding in action and all of the dlc's will be included._

_Please Review..Its my first story so I would like any help_

_I don't own anything its all biowares stuff._

"Till the End"

I am liking Cerberus right now it is oddly satisfying to squish husks; I now understand why Jack is always happy in a fight. Although in general I still despise the whole terrorist's organization even though they still brought me back to life with a couple upgrades, as in the biotic ability to slam, so I can finish the fight against the Reapers. The fight started with the Reapers working through Saren and now they are working with the Collectors that are attacking human colonies. That will not fly while I am still alive and kicking so I am here on Horizon trying to prevent the assholes from taking the humans from this colony and to find someone I have been missing since I was resurrected.

Kasumi, Garrus, and I make our way through the colony taking out Collectors along with this Reaper named Harbinger that keeps possessing the Collectors and causing way too much fucking trouble. We see the colonists in stasis as we move through the colony which only makes us push faster not that I needed anymore motivation to get to the woman I love before they take her. After awhile we run into a chicken shit named Wilson who informs us where some defence turrets are that we could use against the Collector ship. We left him in the warehouse where he then locked himself in like the pansy ass he is.

After we make it to the turret controls we link in EDI, the Normandy AI so she can calibrate the targeting system. It kindly informed us to defend the controls from the oncoming reaper waves. Garrus pulls out his sniper and finds high ground to cover Kasumi and I while Kasumi cloaks so she can flank the enemy. I get the fun part of drawing all the attention. I pull out my M-12 Locust and prep the combat drone Tali prepared for me when we were on the SR-1 and wait.

Each wave had a variation of collectors, husks and the ass Harbinger. Garrus was taking them out from a distance while Kasumi confused the hell out of them by disappearing and reappearing and I got to slam and incinerate the shit out of them. It was going well until a giant screeching scion and a shit ton of husks came out of nowhere.

"Oh fuck" is all I could say.

"I second that" comments Kasumi.

"Kasumi go after the husks use your cloaking to confuse them, Garrus use your rifle to weaken the scion while I finish it with "Big Boy"" I order with a smirk. Big Boy just so happens to be my missile launcher.

We broke up and did our jobs. I was helping Kasumi by slamming a few husks around and helping Garrus by using incinerate to burn away the scion's barriers while getting a few shots with my missile launcher. Finally, the husks were gone and we just focused on the Scion.

"Let's bring this fucker down, cover me"

I set up on some high ground and unleash hell on its ass. It explodes after I get 5 clean shots at it.

"The Collector ship is pulling out" says Garrus. We all turn and look, I know we did not save everybody but at least we saved some. I hear footsteps behind me and notice Wilson.

"You have to go get them! They have Lilith and Sten! What kind of soldier are you?"

"I'm the kind of soldier that just saved half this colony you ass"

"She's Commander Shepard, first human Spectre, Savoir of the Citadel. You are in the presence of a god Wilson. A soldier back from the dead"

That voice. I didn't even hear what Wilson or Garrus were talking about I was just focused on that voice, her voice. I turn around and there she stands just as beautiful as I remember. Ashley Williams the love of my life. She's wearing the pink armor I bought her during the mission against Saren, her brown hair is in a tight bun as usual and she is looking at me with her strikingly gorgeous brown eyes. I am speechless. She is the only lover who as ever been able to do that. Being a woman of action instead of talking I close the 3 foot gap in between us and kiss her with everything I have.

I hear Kasumi's confused comments and Garrus is chuckling in the background but all I'm focused on is the woman I love. I've missed the feel, the taste, and how perfect her lips are on mine. I have one hand on her hip and the other behind her neck trying to get as close as possible. She does the same to me by reflex and just to make sure I'm actually real and there. I lick her bottom lip seeking entrance and she allows it. It feels like it has not been two years since we kissed. We still know the others mouth, tongue, and lips like it was yesterday we last kissed not 2 years ago. It was over to fast I feel her push me back away from her.

"Ash..." I am so confused…that was the best kiss we've ever had.

"You can't just come back after 2 years and expect it all to be the same, Amy!" she is almost screaming at me.

"Ash I was dead. Cerberus rebuilt me for 2 yrs and brought me back to life to stop the Repears and save our colonists," I say in a pleading voice I want to go to her again but her body is telling me I'll get punched in the face if I do.

"So it's true? You're with Cerberus even after what we saw them do and they killed General Kahoku? You to Garrus?"

"Ash the Reapers are using the Collectors to go after humans. They are the enemy not Cerberus. Plus I'm not with Cerberus I'm with Shepard." Replies Garrus. While I'm still standing still like a damn punching bag shocked she thinks I'd join Cerberus, but I understand her feelings at the same time.

"I expected better for both of you" Ash says angrily she then turns to me "I expected better from the woman I loved"

That knocked me on my ass. She said loved instead of love.

"Kasumi, Garrus head back to the shuttle. I need to talk to Ashley alone"

"Shep…you sure?" Kasumi asks as she puts a hand on my shoulder.

I turn to her giving her a reassuring smile "Yes I'm sure and please don't spy on us. I will explain everything when I get back. Garrus make sure she's on that shuttle carry her if you have too"

He nods and laughs while Kasumi glares at me. Giving myself a second to compose myself before I turn to convince the love of my life that I am still me and that I am hers.

When I turn around I'm not the badass N7 marine, the savior of the Citadel or the Butcher of Torfan. I'm Amy Shepard the 5'8 blonde haired, blue eyed woman that no one has ever seen since Mindor except for Ashley Williams. I can tell she sees the change her face softens but she's still pissed and confused. I walk towards her and take her hands in mine grateful she doesn't pull away so I can try to explain everything to her.

"Yes, Cerberus brought me back to life. Yes, Cerberus gave me a new Normandy. Yes, they are giving me a shit ton of resources and intel. However, No I'm not with them. I'm not off killing aliens because they don't like humans or protecting facilities they use for their crazy ass experiments. I'm using them to save our colonies and stop the Reapers. Once I've beaten the Collectors I'm finding the Illusive Man and killing him myself"

The whole time I'm staring directly in her eye's but I can tell she still doesn't believe me.

"What if they did something to your brain, Skipper," she asks.

"You think someone with a Cerberus controlled brain would be able to kiss you like I just did" I reply with my smile meant only for her.

She looks down and I could tell she's blushing and smiling but when she looks up I can tell looking into her eyes she's not only angry and confused but also hurt.

"Why didn't you try to contact me? Instead I'm hearing it from everyone else and everyone is saying you're with Cerberus which is still what it looks like." She asks in barely I whisper.

"I tried to find you Ash" I lift her chin so I can look her in the eye "I asked Anderson and all he said was it was Top Secret he couldn't tell me. I even asked Kasumi to try to find you and she couldn't and that's what she does. It was killing me not being able to find you Ash" I look directly into her eyes and I hope she sees that I am being sincere, but if she doesn't after that I have one more card to play to prove to her how I feel and that I'm me.

"Ash I need to tell you something I was going to tell you the day I…" I could not bring myself to say "died" so I didn't. "Neither of us is good with words so we use other people's to help us out

_Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,_

_Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,_

_Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,_

_Till then shall I love thee,_

_Till then shall I live in joy._

I love you Ashley and always will. Please come with me I need you by my side"

Well there it was my heart and soul laid before her hoping she would do the same with me but the fact she pulled away from me and the look in her eye told me a different story.

"Amy I can't it's been 2 years Alliance is in my blood I can't work for your terrorist organization...I've moved on" The last part she whispered I could barely hear it. I feel like I've been hit by a goddamn truck. "_My terrorist organization_" she doesn't believe me and doesn't love me anymore. I'm not angry with her I kind of expected this but it doesn't change the fact that I still hurt and that I still love her.

I am a woman of action so I put a hand behind her head and give her a tender kiss on her forehead and say, "Okay, I understand but I need you to know Ash I will always love you"

As I turn and walk away I'm sure I can hear her crying and that tears me up inside.

**Normandy SR-2**

Dumbass fucking Illusive man always wanting to talk. That's the first thing I hear when I get back onboard from EDI that just tops my already fabulous day. EDI is our resident AI. I was a little worried before because of my history with the Geth but it seems to be fine and it annoys Joker enough so I don't have to anymore. Joker is the best pilot I have ever worked with (I won't ever tell him that though) but he is also the biggest smartass of all time.

He turns in his chair to make a comment but he knows my "don't fucking bother me look" and shuts his mouth.

"Joker set a course for Illium and don't say a word"

"Aye Aye, ma'am"

Making my way to the communications room, I don't talk to anyone and everyone can tell to not talk to me unless they want to get hit in the face. I have to walk through the tech lab to get to the comm. room and that's where my favourite salarian Mordin has taken up residence. He and I spent a whole week competing to see who could disable the most Cerberus cameras and listen devises. He won by a land slide and every since then I always stop by and we talk over tech and engineering stuff. It's refreshing to talk to someone who likes and know stuff like that as much as I do. Today though is not the day for our usual routine.

"Ahh Shepard, what would you like to discuss today?Shield mods? Omnitool upgrades?" he asks. It took me days to follow how fast he talks. He's like a hamster on coffee fast.

"Nothing today, my friend. I have to talk to the Illusive Man then I am retiring to my cabin. It has been a trying day."

"Okay, I'll be here if you need me."

After I enter the comm. room the image of the Illusive Man comes up. He reminds me of a CEO of a company because of his attitude and outfit. He smokes all the time I wonder how many packs he smokes a day.

"Shepard, you did well on Horizon"

"Not well enough they still got half the colony"

"It's better than what anyone else has done so it was a success. I see in the report from Miranda that Ashley Williams was there. I hope you have you past figured out and it won't affect the mission?"

"That is not your fucking concern" I reply. I'm going to need to have a discussion with Miranda about what she puts in her reports.

"It is if it affects the mission but a trust you can figure it out. You need to recruit more team members. I've sent you more dossiers to look over. Make sure the rest of your team is motivated to go through the relay"

"I'll do whatever it takes to be ready to take down the collectors and bringing everyone back. I don't need orders for you, asshole. Joker end this call"

Now I am super pissed off because the ass gave me orders and I'm in no mood to talk to anyone at all. I need to be alone with my bottle of vodka and deal with the fact the woman I love does not love me anymore and how I will never love anyone again. No one could compare to Ashley Williams. Unfortunately, my wallowing will have to wait because waiting for me outside the comm. room is a worried looking Jacob. Jacob is a Cerberus operative but doesn't like Cerberus nearly as much as Miranda does. He's also ex-Alliance and has an obsession with guns like I do, so we get along well enough.

"Shepard, after seeing what happened on Horizon the crew is starting to realize how this might really be a suicide mission"

"We will make it back through the relay Jacob. We all will" I tell him to not only to reassure him but also myself.

"I know you will try to make that happen but its got people thinking. Some of the crew want to finish any unfinished business they have"

"I understand Jacob. I'm going to address the crew in a couple minutes and I will bring that up. Thank you for telling me. I want everyone as ready as possible to go through that relay"

"Thank you, Shepard" he says as he salutes and returns to the armoury.

I make my way back to the CIC to address the crew. Although I'm hurt and angry and just want to break down I never let my crew see it. I need to be strong, their leader, and leaders don't let personal feeling get in the way of duty. I slipped into that mode talking to Jacob and now I have to keep the facade to address the crew because its my duty. Sometimes I hate duty and this is one of those times but I have to do it.

My yeoman Kelly Chambers is an interesting character. She's like my secretary and she also is the ship counsellor. She also loves to flirt with me all the damn time. I can't tell her anything about Ashley because I don't trust her and if the Alliance found out we were in a relationship then Ashley's military career would be over. The only people that know about the relationship is Tali, Wrex, Garrus, Liara, Chakwas, and Joker all members of the SR-1 crew who I trust with my life. As for as anyone one else they just thought we were just best friends. She can't seem to grasp the fact that I'm not interested, at all some counsellor she is. I am not in the mood for that bullshit right now so I give her a look that says "don't talk to me" as I walk past her to the galaxy map.

"EDI give me ship wide communication please."

"Comm's open Shepard."

"Thank you EDI. Good work with the mission on Horizon. We couldn't save all of the colonists but we saved most of them. I know seeing what happened really hits home as to how crucial this mission is and it makes you think what is important to you. If anyone needs to do something or see anyone to put their minds at ease send me a message and I will try my damndest to get it done. We are heading towards Illium now we will be there in a couple hours. Once we arrive everyone has shore leave for a day when we arrive. Ground team make sure you have your comms and weapons on shore leave. If anyone gives you shit tell em badass Spectre Shepard gave you permission wonder around packing." I can hear the crew around me chuckle, which was the point. "We will be resupplying, picking up more crew members, and doing whatever else we can on Illium. Shepard out"

"Shepard, Miranda would like to see her in her office" EDI informs me.

"EDI, tell her I'll meet with her when shore leave is over."

"Will do, Shepard"

"Also make sure no one disturbs me in my cabin until shore leave is over. No one EDI or I will reprogram your ass."

"Understood"

I enter the elevator and wonder what the hell is so important Miranda needs to see me right now. It was probably because she doesn't think shore leave is necessary, spoilsport.

**Captain's Cabin**

I love fish. I've sat and just watched the fish swim around in the tank for hours envying how they don't have to worry about shit.

"That must be nice" I say out loud to no one except for maybe my space hamster, Bolt.

I strip out of my armour so I can take a shower in my private bathroom. One more reason to like Cerberus. I'm hoping the hot water would ease my pain physically and emotionally but I was wrong. Damn it.

I change into workout shorts, sports bra, and tank top and head to find my bottle of vodka in the fridge. This was part of my nightly routine. Since I've been rebuilt I won't sleep if I don't take something or drink. It's the damn Prothean beacons visions and my past always keeps me awake at night. I relive all the visions from the beacons, my friends and family being killed by batarians, me killing defenceless batarians out of revenge on Torfan, and Ashley hurt or dying. When Ashley and I were together, she was my personal dream catcher. When we slept together, I felt safe, loved and protected. I only had a couple nightmares when she was with me and even if I did she always calmed me down and I would always fall back asleep with her holding me. She's the only one that has ever held me. In all my relationships I'm always the strong one but she made me feel safe enough to be weak.

The other part of my nightly routine involves my voice journal. On the first Normandy when Ash moved into my cabin we would always talk about the missions and other things. So, ever since I was rebuilt and no one would tell me where in the hell Ashley was I decided to record my journal like I was talking to her just like we used to.

After I grab a glass from the lounge area of my cabin I go up the stairs to the office part of my cabin where my model ships are on display and my terminal is set up. There is also a picture of Ash on my desk. After I found Garrus on Omega he gave it to me as a gift for saving his ass from all those merc groups trying to kill him. He's like my turian big brother just like Wrex is my krogan big brother. I pour myself a shot, start the recording and look at the picture so it's like I'm talking to her.

"Well today didn't go exactly as I suspected, Ash. The fight through collectors and husk was expected but the reunion with you, not so much. Another unexpected thing was a Reaper named Harbinger kept possessing some of the Collectors. That was fucked up, I can't explain that one to you but Mordin is looking into it. When I was told you were on Horizon all I thought about was I need to get to you faster not to save you because we both know you can handle yourself just fine but I needed to see you again. I've fucking missed you. I can't sleep without you I have all these damn nightmares or I have dreams about you dying or being hurt because I'm not there to watch your back. I was hoping you would come with me but at the same time I knew you wouldn't. You're an Alliance marine it's in your blood like you have told me multiple times and even being aligned with Cerberus is treason in your eyes. I'm not with Cerberus. I'm using Cerberus I'm blowing them all to hell when I'm done with Collectors and I want you with me when I take down Cerberus. I wish you were here I don't trust anyone from Cerberus expect for Jacob. I trust Garrus because he's like the big brother I never had. I trust Jack because she hates Cerberus as much as we do and she's badass. I trust Zaeed because he's getting paid and mercs always follow the money. I trust Mordin because with his tech skills he could destroy this ship and he hasn't yet (lol). I trust Kasumi because she reminds me of my little sister from Mindor and shes saved my ass multiple times. I trust Grunt because I'm his battlemaster and I know from Wrex what that means. I need you Ashley. There's no Shepard without her Williams. We're going to Illium tomorrow to pick up a justicar and an assassin to join up so that should be fun. I'll also get to see Liara. I'll talk to you tomorrow I love you Ash.

_Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,_

_Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,_

_Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,_

_Till then shall I love thee,_

_Till then shall I live in joy_."

I always finish each entry with that poem. Ash loves poetry and when I read it, I felt like it described how I feel about her perfectly. Who would've thought that the badass Commander Shepard could turn sentimental.

I didn't realize how much vodka I drank until I looked at the bottle after I put Ashley's picture down. Half of it is gone so I should be sleeping awesomely tonight. I turn off my terminal, put the vodka in the fridge then go to bed. I close my eyes hoping I have good dreams of Ashley.


	2. Chapter 2

"Till the End"

Chapter 2

**Captain's Cabin**

The one bonus of being rebuilt with a lot of tech is hangovers are nonexistent, well so far I haven't had any. I drank far more than I could have before I died which usually helped me sleep but that tactic doesn't seem to work anymore. My nightmare's last night consisted of Ashley. She was stuck in one of those damn stasis pods and I couldn't get her out which is what just woke me up. Solid 4 hours of sleep, awesome.

"EDI where the hell are we?"

"We are an hour away from Illium, Shepard"

"Thanks EDI, is anyone else up and wandering around beside my favorite pilot?"

"Don't get all sentimental on me Shepard I'll have to inform the entire galaxy that the badass Commander Shepard is actually the pansy ass Commander Shepard" replys Joker. I knew he was listening he's always listening to everything going on around the ship.

"Then I'll just have to accidently break your hand again to prove a point Joker" I reply with a chuckle remembering when I actually did accidently break his hand. He has a disease that makes his bones insanely weak and brittle but I didn't know it when I first met him. When we first met I shook his hand a little too hard and broke it, opps.

"Very funny Shepard"

"I try. EDI can you ask Kasumi to come up to my cabin when she is awake"

"Of course, Commander"

I should have enough time for a shower and check my messages before she wakes up. Kasumi was the first person I recruited. We met up at the Citadel and hit it off right away. She reminded me of my younger sister that was killed by batarians on Mindoir when I was a teenager. I couldn't save her but I saved 10 other kids after I found a gun and locked us in a hotel room killing 5 batarians in my efforts before the Alliance found us. After I helped her get the greybox of her deceased lover she has trusted me completely and opened up to me kind of like Tali did with me on the SR-1.

After I shower and change into my usual comfy clothes which are basically workout clothes I sit and read my messages. Miranda and Jacob both want to talk to me about something personal so I send them a message that I will meet with them after recruiting the Justicar Samara and the assassin Thane. That's when I can feel someone is in my cabin.

"Kasumi I hope you turned away when I was changing" I say to the "empty" room.

"Shep that would be like seeing my older sister naked and I so don't want to see that" she replies as she uncloaks herself. She is obsessed with her tactical cloak she cloaks herself whenever she leaves he quarters, the observation room.

"And how do you always know when I'm around when I'm cloaked?"

"I could hear you breathing. I'll talk to Mordin to see if we can upgrade your cloak with sound dampeners after we recruit our new team members. Which reminds me would you like to come with me to get this Justicar and assassin? It should be fun especially since I'm asking Jack as well."

"Your inviting a thief and a convict to recruit a Justicar who will probably kill us on sight because we have broken laws? And here I thought we were best friends, Shep" she says with a smirk.

"I need a strong biotic who could rival an asari so that's why I need Jack and I thought if worst came to worst you could cloak and knock her the fuck out" I reply with a smile not meaning the last part.

"I love how you make friends. I will come along"

"You can't steal anything, Kas. You promised to hold off till after we beat the Collectors" I say with a laugh and she pouts. I walk over to my fish tank feed them and just stand and watch them letting a friendly silence come between the two of us.

"I bet you want to know about what happened on Horizon" I say without looking at her. She's one of the few people I actually trust to open up to, on this ship aside from Jack, Garrus, Dr. Chakwas, and Joker.

"Witnessing that kiss I could guess you to were serious in the past but she was not happy with you about Cerberus and she hurt you I could see it in the way you acted after what she said. You don't have to tell me what happened after we left but if you want to talk I'm here." She tells me still sitting on the couch. I turn to her and give her a small smile in appreciation that she understands I'm usually a closed off person and I don't open up easily. I take a seat on the other end of the L-shaped couch taking a minute to think about what I want to say.

"Jack and you are the only people from this new crew I trust explicitly. I trust Garrus, Chakwas and Joker because we have been through a lot together as you know so what I say to you about Ashley and my past doesn't leave that circle. Understood?" I tell her sternly. She's kind of taken aback by how serious I am but she nods her head in understanding. I nod back I take a deep breath before I tell her my story.

"We first met on Eden Prime when I was trying to find and secure the Prothean beacon that was on that colony. My team and I saved her after her whole unit was wiped out by the Geth. I also saved her after she got to close to the beacon. It knocked me the hell out because of the memories it forced into my head so Ash and Kaiden carried me back to the Normandy and Anderson got her transferred to the Normandy crew. While we were chasing after Saren we were with each other a lot because like me she loved guns" Kasumi giggled at that because she knows how obsessed I am with my guns. I've given them all names after all.

"So we were hanging out a lot and I got to know about her and her family and I started opening up to her. I started falling hard for her after awhile but I didn't know if she was interested until one day I overheard a conversation she was having with her sister. Ash said a lot of very nice things about me but it was more than just friendship type things, if you know what I mean" I say smiling remembering that conversation she had with her sister.

"I still didn't voice my feelings for her like a planned too because we were called to go to Virmire." I feel somber thinking about that mission "I chose to save Ashley and the STG squad and let Kaidan die. I couldn't save them both but I knew I couldn't lose Ash. After the debrief I told her I could not lose her so I went to get her back instead of Kaiden and in response she kissed me so that was the start of our relationship. No one knew about us until after we beat Saren and she stayed by my side until I died so Horizon was the first time I saw her." I finally look at Kasumi and I can tell by her face that she is shocked. "The only people that knew about me and Ashley was the ground team of the SR-1, Chakwas and Joker because it's against regs in the Alliance so it was a secret. I tried to find her after I woke up in that Cerberus lab but no one could find her or tell me where she was not even you and that sucked serious ass because I missed her so damn much and I still do. After you and Garrus left us, I told her I loved her for the first time and asked her to come with me but you can guess how that went down" once I finished my story we sat in silence for a couple minutes while we both processed everything.

Next thing I know Kasumi is sitting next to me and hugging me from the side and I just break down and start crying, repeating how much I miss Ash and love her while she tries to comfort me. After who knows how long I stop crying as Kasumi lifts my chin up so I can look her in the eyes.

"Amy, I didn't know you back during that Saren stuff but I know what you did and it was amazing. I know you now, you're like the big sister I never had. I know you're not with Cerberus but you are working with them to save human colonies she should know that you would never join Cerberus but maybe she's too scared to be with you again because you died the first time around. I saw the way she looked at you she still cares about you but she's too confused emotionally and mentally. Give it time she will come back to you." She gives me a small smile and wipes away my tears.

"Thanks Kas. I needed to let that shit out. I have to go and talk to Jack because I didn't have dinner with her last night as usual. I'm surprised she didn't come up here and kick my ass," I say as a get up off the couch with a smile.

"I might have went down to her hiddey-hole and ate dinner with her and we may have talked about the stuff the happened about Horizon." She tells me looking kind of nervous.

"Kasumi that's fine don't look like about to freak out, I trust you both. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and be Commander Shepard" I say with a smile. Kasumi leaves my cabin I can see she cloaked before she hits the elevator. Now I must prepare myself to visit my favorite convict.

**Engineering Deck **

No one is wandering around the engineering deck because it is still early but I know Jack will be awake because like me she doesn't sleep much. She has her own nightmares to deal with probably more than she has told me about. As I make my way down to her "quarters" I can see her laying on her cot so I sit on the table and wait until she acknowledges me because I know she's awake.

"You could've atleast brought me breakfast, bitch"

"Rupert isn't up and it seems the only people up all the time on this ship are you, me and Kasumi. You can uncloak yourself by the way"

"You're no fun, Amy"

Jack and I both laugh. These two are super entertaining.

"I'm sorry about last night Jack. I just needed to be alone for a while after all that happened on Horizon but to make it up to you would you like to come with me and miss master thief over there to recruit people? Odds are we will get to fight people and blow shit up. What do you say?" I ask with my best smile.

"I understand Shepard and yes I will come with you but if I don't get to kill something there will be hell to pay" she responds as she sits up from her cot.

"Shepard we just docked on Illium" interrupts EDI.

"Thanks, EDI. You two keep your comms on and I will call you when we are going to go get our new fresh meat but there's a friend I have to see first."

"Okay, Shepard" they both say in unison as I walk away and I can hear them talking. Hopefully, they aren't planning anything illegal.

"EDI can you tell Garrus to meet me at the airlock please" I say as I head up to my cabin to get my armor.

"Of course Shepard"

**Illium**

"So Shepard what is on the schedule today?" Garrus asks me as we walk off the Normandy.

"Well Garrus we will be going…"

"Hello Commander Shepard, you docking fee has been paid for and I've been told to help you in anyway I can." Says a random asari I have never seen before

"Thanks and who do I owe my thanks to for the docking fee?"

"That would be Liara T'Soni, Commander"

"Thank you we will be on our way. So Garrus as I was saying we are going to see Liara. Although I'm not sure how she knew we were going to be here I wanted it to be a surprise"

"I think she will be surprised Shepard" Garrus says. I'm not sure what he means by that so I'm just going to let it go for now.

We make it to Liara's office and we are let in by her secretary to an interesting sight of our usually passive asari threatening to filet someone with her mind. Garrus and I look at each other with peaked interests as to why Liara would threaten something like her mother those couple years ago. Finally she turns around and she looks like the old shy archeologists we used to know.

"Shepard" she says as she walks around her desk to give me a hug.

"Liara, so your filleting people now?" I ask after she pulls away.

"I wasn't serious. A serious threat would've been telling him I was sending you to get the money he owed me." She replies with a smile as she hugs Garrus.

"That is a valid point you have there, my friend" I say with a smile and walk to the window to look out at the view of the trading floor.

These people have no idea what is going on with the Collectors. They don't know that the Reapers are coming and that they want to kill all of us aliens and humans alike. Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant as they are just going around with my life without a care in the world being a follower. Then I think about who would save me if I was a follower…..no one would it's my job. I have to keep fighting and surviving to give the people I love the future they deserve whether they want me in it or not.

"I'm worried about her Liara…" I hear Garrus say when I stop wondering about life.

"You know I can hear you guys"

"Damn super hearing Shepard" replies Garrus.

"So, Liara what is going on with you?" I ask Liara after giving a smile to Garrus.

"I actually need your help Shepard. I'm going after the Shadow Broker"

"Why Liara? He's the most powerful information broker in the galaxy. It's insanely dangerous."

"He took a friend of mine that saved my life I need to get him back if he's alive or get revenge if he isn't."

"You know I understand revenge better than anyone Liara. I'll help you but don't let it consume you. It will ruin you if you let it" I say to her. Through the mind melds we shared during the mission against Saren she knows what I did to the batarians on Torfan. I massacred them because of what they did to my family and friends on Mindoir. I was never the same after that.

"Thank you Shepard. I need someone to hack into some terminals to get more information about his agents. Garrus do you think you can handle that?" Liara turns to him and they exchange a look that I don't understand.

"Sure I'll comm. you when I have the information." he leaves the office leaving just Liara and I.

She sits behind her desk and I sit in one of the chairs behind her wondering why she sent Garrus to hack terminals when that's one of my favorite pass times.

"So Shepard, my sources have been following you ever since you woke up. You are doing some impressive things to stop the collectors."

"You should come with me I need more friends than a Cerberus crew on my ship"

"I can't I have to stop the Shadow Broker…I know you understand" she whispered the last part because we both now I do understand.

"I do understand just don't let it change you" she nods in response.

"Garrus told me about Ashley…" I freeze when she says that and look away I can't think about what happened with her anymore.

"Not now Liara. I can't think about it now it hurts to much. I need your help to find a Justicar Samara and an assassin named Thane. Do you have any information on either of them?" I ask to avoid talking about the subject of Ashley.

"Yes, I am a very good information broker Shepard. I will send the information to your omnitool" she says with a sigh, understanding my request to drop the subject for now but I know she won't back down forever.

"Liara all this information points to a female operative none of the information I found fits at all. Who gave you this information?" Garrus says through Liara's omni tool.

"Thank you Garrus. Shepard and I will take it from here" by the look in Liara's eye I think things are about to get violently interesting.

"Garrus this is Shepard. Head back to the Normandy and ask Jack and Kasumi to go to Eternity and meet me there." I feel like I will need a drink after whatever Liara is planning.

"Will do, Shepard"

"So Liara what am I helping you with?"

"Doing what you do best, getting information using aggressive negotiations. Nyxeris can you come to my office?"

This should be interesting. At least I will get to vent some of my frustration.

**Eternity**

"I'd like to send a shockwave so far up that bitch's ass she won't know what to do with herself"

"I hope you're not talking about my XO she's starting to grow on me a little bit," I say when I walk up to Jack and Kasumi. They looked shocked that I heard them it was entertaining. I ordered a drink from the bartender and look at Jack waiting for an explanation.

"Ya, Shepard you know how well we get along but I will wait until after our suicide mission before I do it. I'll even make sure she stays alive." She "explains" looking nervous

"Right." I knew exactly who they were talking about but I've decided to let it go for now.

"We have to go recruit a badass Justicar and an assassin. I vote we get the assassin first then the Justicar and hopefully they don't kill each other on the ship" I inform my two teammates as I throw back my drink and pay. I walk away from the bar smiling knowing I left them confused.

**Captain's Cabin**

Walking into my room I realize what a crazy ass day it has been and I am surprised I'm not in the Medbay right now. I have a shit ton of things to tell Ashley tonight. After I take a shower and grab my vodka I start to talk to the woman, I love even though she may never want me.

"So I saw Liara today. She different now she's not the shy girl we saved on Therium, shes harder now and I do not think it's a good thing. Her secretary was betraying her and I had to use my not so friendly interrogation techniques to figure that out…I don't know what Liara did with her after I left. After I left Liara, Jack Kasumi and I went to go and recruit an assassin. I know you think it's fucking crazy and it is but he's different. An entertaining part of his recruitment was he was on a mission to kill Nassana Dantius. Remember when she tricked me into killing her sister during the Saren mission? So I didn't object to Thane killing her. After we recruited Thane we went to go recruit a Justicar, now that was an interesting experience. After we help her find the ship a criminal she has been tracking escaped on from Illium she pledge a vow to help me until I defeat the Reapers. Still not sure how I feel about that vow or pledge. During both those missions, I saved a bunch of salarians, saved some salarian breeding data, found evidence to convict a smuggler, saved a volus who was high on god only knows what, and killed a murderer. So it was a crazy but semi productive day. I talked to Jacob and Miranda and both of them have personal things they need my help with so we will be doing that next unless Miranda doesn't find information about the Shadowbroker to help Liara because that's who she wants' revenge on. She won't tell me the whole story about that but then I'm not telling her the whole story about us so it might be fair. I need you Ashley I always will. I need you to trust me and believe in me again. I'm exhausted so I need to sleep before I have to go help Miranda with her sister. I wish I could sleep again with you in my arms. I love you.

_Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,_

_Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,_

_Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,_

_Till then shall I love thee,_

_Till then shall I live in joy_."

I turn off my terminal finish off the rest of my drink hoping to have no nightmares but the odds of that are quite fucking slim. I lay on my bed and wait until sleep comes to me.

_The poem is called "Till" be Staurt MacFarlane I forgot to put that in the first chapter._

_Most events from Mass Effect 2 will be expressed through the journal to Ashley but I'm going to add interactions between team members which will mostly be about Ashley to keep up the fshep/Ashley romance until I get to Mass Effect 3 then it will basically be all my Shepard and Ashley. I might add one or two chapters of Ashley's point of view so ideas came to me the other day when I was driving to St. Louis so if you would want to see that let me know._

_I will explain more of the fshep/ash relationship through dreams and talking to other characters just an fyi._

_Please Review_


	3. Chapter 3

_FYI…Ash/fshep sex time ahead_

"Till the End"

_She's so peaceful when she sleeps. I brush some of her brown hair out of her face and she moves in closer to me. Her hair is beautiful when it's down I always tell her to leave it down more often but she says it gets in the way when she is firing her gun. I guess that's a good enough reason to keep it up. We have ended up in our usual position since we have started to sleep together with her curled up on her side and her head on my chest by my heart and our legs tangled together with my arm wrapped around her protectively. I give her a kiss on her forehead content with just holding her for hours but my kiss woke her up._

"_How long have you been awake?" she asks looking up and kissing me on the cheek._

"_Not long" I lie it has been awhile since I have been awake. I just love watching over her and she knows it._

"_Mhmm..So what are we doing today, Skipper?"_

"_Well Ashley, today we are still checking if Geth are wondering around in this sector but we both know the Geth are not here so I have other plans that involve us not leaving our cabin" I inform her as I shift and get on top of her and kiss her deeply._

"_Is that so Skipper and what do you have in mind?" she all but moans while I'm kissing her down her neck toward her naked chest._

"_You will see Ashley" I respond with a smirk._

_I start kissing and biting her right breast while my free hand moves down her side and settles on her hip. I work her other breast as my hand moves across her stomach and teasing lower. I can hear her moaning as I kiss down her stomach to where I want to go and where she is begging me to go. I look into her eyes when I reach my destination and I see the desire and lust "Please Amy." Whenever she says my name, it is an insanely huge turn on and that is all the motivation I need to show her how much I love her. I start licking and nipping at her clit while one finger enters her slowly. I can hear her gasp and moan and it's music to my ears. I continue working her clit as I add another finger. I can tell she's close by the sounds she is making. I love the fact that I am the reason she is making those sounds. I know she likes to hold on to me as I bring her to climax so I find her hand right before she reaches her climax while she yells my name. After I help her ride out her orgasm, I kiss her deeply trying to show her how much she means to me._

"_I don't know if I can go through that all day, Skipper" she says with a smile._

"_Don't worry I'll take it slow" I say with a chuckle as I pull her closer to me._

_We are laying down facing each other. Foreheads are touching while I run my hand up and down her side while she is playing with my hair. I decide I need to tell her how I feel about her because I want to have moments like this forever._

"_Ashley there's something I've been wanting to tell you…." Just as I'm about to say "I love you" alarms start going off._

"_What the hell! Ash suit up I'll meet you by the escape pods make sure the crew gets in the pods. I'm going to send the distress beacon" I can tell she is reluctant to leave my side so, as motivation I kiss her "I promise I'll meet you there"_

_Right after I send the distress beacon I hear foot steps behind me and I just know its Ashley._

"_Joker isn't leaving and I'm not leaving either"_

"_Ash get to the escape pods and I'll get Joker"_

"_Shepard…"_

"_Ash…Go...Now"_

_After I get Joker in the pod and send it off the ship fired again and I'm blown out to space. I could tell I didn't have air anymore thanks to my suit VI. My last thought before I pass out is Ashley…_

I awaken trying to catch my breath like I did when I was spaced. I've had that nightmare multiple times since I've been reborn and it is one of my worst because it's filled with so much regret, pain and loss.

Once I catch my breath I look at the clock realizing I slept 5hrs. That's still not enough I can feel how tired my body is, I need to fix this. I get up to shower to wash away the sweat and the pain but that will not happen. I remember every moment up until I died and it sucks serious ass. Usually I just have nightmares about after I get spaced but on rare occasions I start with that morning with Ashley. I can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse.

I check my messages and notice that Miranda did find info about the Shadow Broker and I have a message from Ashley:

"**Subject: Hey there.**

**Shepard-**

**I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. When I lost you two years ago, it tore me up. I prayed for you every day. I read a lot of Tennyson, thinking about you, just like I did when my dad passed. And then you came back, and it was like my prayers were answered. But I'm not who I was then, and neither are you.**

**I don't know what's true anymore. Part of me can't believe it's really you. I keep going back to that night before Ilos, our night... I haven't let myself think about those memories in over a year.**

**I wouldn't have expected you to work for Cerberus, but I know why they sent you to Horizon. I saw how many people were lost there, and if anyone can stop the Collectors, you can. I can't go where you're going, but I can wish you luck.**

**Just stay alive out there... Skipper. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't lose you a second time.**

**-Ash**

**Death closes all: but something ere the end**

**Some work of noble note, may yet be done,**

**Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods."**

Holy fucking shit there might be hope for us. She still cares about me. I am in a hell of a lot better mood but I have new crewmembers to talk to and an XO to thank. I could get her back, that thought will keep me going until I have her at my side again…..like it's supposed to be.

**Deck 3**

I'm almost skipping as a go see Garrus. He is the big brother I never had just like Wrex. We all developed into a family on the SR-1 and it is an unbreakable bond. He is calibrating, as usual, on our main gun that we just upgraded.

"What can I help you with Shepard?" he asks as he looks over his shoulder.

"We are going to help Miranda's sister and help Liara today, so we are going to be helping people today instead of our usual shoot everyone we find escapades. You in?"

"Don't we usually blow stuff up and shoot people when we are helping people?"

"Yes, but let's not focus on details, so you in?" I say with a hint of sarcasm and Garrus chuckles.

"Of course. Why are you so happy all of a sudden?"

"I got a message from Ashley" I can tell he's surprised because of what happened on Horizon.

"What did it say?" finally turning around and looking at me with shock on his face.

"I have a chance Garrus was what I got out of the message. Now you have a new duty. Your new duty is to beat back all the people that flirt with me. Especially Kelly she always looks like she wants to pounce on me whenever we talk. I guess she didn't hear me when I said we will only be friends when we had dinner a couple days ago."

"Got it, Shepard. Maybe I'll try to distract her" he reply's with a smirk.

"Good idea. Meet me in the airlock in an hour. I have to talk to Chakwas"

I leave the main battery to go see if Chakwas can help me sleep. I love the good doctor like a mother but she also makes an excellent drinking partner. She turns around in her chair and gives me a smile.

"Shepard I am surprised you are coming in here voluntarily. You're usually forced to come here after you have been shot at least 10 times."

"Ha Ha. Very funny Doctor. I just wanted to come and see you because I need your help with something personal, very personal?" she can tell I am being serious and she shuts the blinds to the cafeteria and looks at me, waiting for me to open up to her.

"I keep having these vivid nightmares. Some are about Mindor, Torfan, the Prothean beacons, or even my death but ever since Horizon they have been a lot worse."

"They are about Ashley aren't they" it was a statement not a question and I nod my head.

"I've had dreams that both her and Kaidan died on Virmire, she's been taken by the Collectors or like last night which was a replay of our last moments together and it felt so real up until I died. Every time I wake-up, I have a mini panic attack because I have no idea if she's okay or not. I can't keep going like this. I won't be able to save anyone if I can't sleep. Can you help me Doc?" I ask in a pleading voice.

"I can give you a sedative to keep you asleep longer but I'm not sure it will block out the dreams. That I can't help you with maybe if you talk to Kelly…"

"Hell no Doc, all she wants to do is sleep with me and that will not fly for obvious reasons, so no I don't want to talk to her about this."

"I understand Shepard. When you love someone, you love them fiercely. Maybe you can talk to Samara. She has been alive for nearly a thousand years and she was not a Justicar for all those years. She might have some advice to help you if you trust her. I'd advise to talk to her and every night I will give you a sedative maybe that will help."

"Thanks Doc. I will talk to Samara soon. I know how intuitive they can be after all one of my best friends is an asari." I say with a smirk as a leave the Med bay.

I don't think I'll talk to Samara about my dreams quite yet but I might eventually, she seems trustworthy and wise. I have a quick talk with Thane and Samara to get to know them and understand them better after that I thank Miranda and inform her we are leaving within the hour to go save her sister.

**Illium**

I just sent Miranda back to the Normandy after we made sure her sister was safe. I was surprised she didn't want to talk to her sister after we took care of the mercs. I would give anything for a chance to talk to my sister again so I pushed her into talking to her sister. She was also a bit shaken up about watching her closest friend Niket get killed and the fact she almost killed him herself so I sent her back to the Normandy, Garrus and I could handle things with Liara.

"Where's the secretary? She seemed nice." asked Garrus as we are about to enter Liara's office

"She's on an extended vacation." I reply flashing a smirk and he shakes his head knowing what I implied.

"Do I even want to know what happened, Shepard?"

"Probably not big guy." I say patting him on the back.

"Shepard, Garrus how are you today?" greets Liara.

"Fantastic we have already prevented my XO's sister from being kidnapped and it's not even 12 yet."

"I knew that was you causing explosions in the transportation area. It was Miranda's sister right?"

"How do you know that?" I ask shocked and glanced at Garrus who was also a little surprised.

"I'm a very good information broker, Shepard. Now what can I do for you?"

"You are full of surprises aren't you Liara. It's more like what I can do for you. Do you want to go after the Shadow Broker? Miranda went through the Cerberus network and found a lot of info. Here's a copy." I say handing her the data pad. She is now the one surprised and she hastily starts reading through it.

"Shepard this is perfect. Thank you so much. I'll get started with this right away I can finally get to him."

"Whoa there hun. You are not doing this alone Garrus and I are helping you whether you like it or not." I say as I stand up to block her path. "You are part of the crazy ass Shepard family your stuck with my craziness and a big brother who has an unhealthy relationship with his sniper rifle." I say with a smile pointing to Garrus and hearing him laugh. Liara nods and smiles at me but then gets a serious look on her face.

"Shepard there's something I have to tell you. I gave your body to Cerberus. I stole it from the Shadow Broker to give it to Miranda but in the process, the Shadow Broker took my accomplice, Feron. He is who I need to get back and according to your information he is still alive. I'm sorry for handing you to Cerberus but they said they could bring you back and I couldn't pass up that chance. We were all devastated after we saw you die some more than others. I had to do it. I hope you understand.

"Well that was unexpected to say the least Liara. I'm not thrilled with the strings that came with Cerberus bringing me back but I'm happy to be back. I understand Liara, I would've done the same thing in your place if it was any of you that died and there was a chance to bring a family member back. Thank you." I could tell she probably expected me to scream and yell all sorts of cuss words at her but I couldn't do that because I was honest when I said that I would've done the same thing. She looks relieved that I understood and didn't do what she expected me to do.

"You are welcome Shepard. Now I have to contact a few people to get some leads from the data you gave me. Meet me at my apartment and we can plan from there." She informs us as she walks out.

"I hope this goes smoothly, Garrus"

"Keep dreaming, Shepard. Something always goes wrong." he replies as we walk towards the shopping district.

"Doesn't mean I can't hope. Let's go look at some fish and guns before we go to Liara's place."I say with more excitement than necessary.

"Only you would think of shopping for those things at the same time." He says with a smile

"I'm just awesome like that."

**Shadow Broker Base**

So nothing went smoothly. Garrus was right crazy shit went wrong. I'm thinking this as Garrus, Liara and I are fighting our way towards the door to get us into the Shadow Broker's ship. The craziness started with Liara possibly being shot in her apartment and missing. Second event was the Shadow Broker agents blow up three floors of the building we thought Liara was located. Third, Liara comes back and tells us the Spectre named Vasir we were working with tried to kill her and an epic car chase ensued. After we crashed into a hotel, we fought through more agents, handled a hostage situation with Vasir then finally ended with a shoot out with Vasir, which we won. Finally after all that and flying across the galaxy, we are at the entrance into the Shadow Broker's base fighting off waves of agents while we wait for Liara's hacking program to open the damn door. I have a super fun life.

"If they attack from all sides they would have a better chance of succeeding." Liara says pulling me out of my thoughts after I shoot a capacitor that releases lighting and kills several agents on the upper deck.

"Really Liara? Who in the hell side are you on?" I yell through our comms.

"I was just making an observation." She responds

"It is not the time to play scientist T'Soni!" Garrus says. Just then, the door opens.

"Get inside, Now!" I order. Although once we are inside, we are greeted with someone with a missile launcher. "Shit. Find cover." The missile misses us and now I am thoroughly pissed off.

"I got one too you fuckers!" I say as I pull out "Big Boy" and fire, eliminating the agents with one shot.

"Well that should by us a couple minutes." I say as a holster my missile launcher and turn to look at Garrus and Liara to make sure they are alright. "Everyone good?"

"I'm fine" replies Garrus and Liara.

"Good. Let's go save a drell and kill a Shadow Broker." I order as I pull out my Locust and start walking following Liara's directions to the holding cells.

Well we found Feron, the drell, but he was strapped to a chair that shocked him if the console is tampered with which brought us to office of the Shadow Broker so we can shut down the power.

"Garrus, assault rifle. Liara use the Locust I gave you. The plan is we ask nicely first than if that doesn't work follow my lead just like old times. Got it?" they both nod yes "Good. Let's do this"

Once we enter the room the first thing I notice are all of the screens then this huge shadow figure behind a desk.

"You are foolish to come here, Shepard." it said in a deep, raspy and creepy ass voice.

"No one ever said I made good decisions. Give us Feron and we let you live. Deal or no deal?"

"Why would I do that when I can give your body to the Collectors, kill the nuisance Dr. T'Soni and hand over Archangel to the merc groups that will pay handsomely for him?"

"You won't be taking anyone! I know what you are." responded Liara. We all still had our guns trained on whatever the hell that thing is, I'm hoping Liara knows what she is doing.

"You don't know anything. I know everything while you fumble in the dark." it responds with a little falter in its voice.

"Is that so? You're a yahg. You were probably the previous Shadow Brokers pet until you killed him because yahg have only every been pets."

Well that pissed it the hell off. Next thing I know the desk is flying so I tackle Liara out of the way because she's closer but I noticed Garrus gets the desk full in the face and is knocked out cold. Once we recover, we start shooting at the yahg and find cover. The fit goes well until the damn thing whips out a shield that deflects everything shot at it so I get to have a fist fight with a yahg 3 times my size. My life rocks.

After a couple rounds with the yahg, I hear Liara telling me to get out of the way so I do and the next thing I see is the glass roof holding back lighting is broken biotically by Liara and all the lightening hits the yahg. Needless to say that caused an awesome explosion and the damn thing was dead. I noticed Garrus was moving around so I went to go help him, not noticing Liara heading towards the screens.

"This is the Shadow Broker…" I hear and turn to see Liara talking with an encrypted voice to the agents. Today is just full of surprises. Feron comes barreling and points his gun at Liara just as shocked as Garrus and I.

"You're the Shadow Broker?" Feron asks

"No one knew who he was except for us so why not? I can use his information to help you stop the Reapers, Shepard" she says as she turns to me and I can see tears in her eyes. I turn and give a look to Feron and Garrus that says "leave" and they do.

Once they are gone, I follow Liara towards the screens and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She turns and looks me in the eye. She breaks down as she embraces me as if her life depends on it. I know what she is feeling because I felt the same after I thought I got my revenge on Torfan but I only felt like I lost myself. I wrap my arms around her and try to soothe her the best I can. When she finally stopped crying, she pulled away and looked into my eye's.

"What do I do know, Shepard? I've done so many things to get to this point that I don't feel like me anymore"

"I know how you feel because I felt the same after Torfan all you have to do is find the old you again. The Liara not hell bent on revenge, bring back the shy Protheam expert but now instead of digging up Prothean artifacts you will be digging through a shit ton of information. You haven't strayed to for from yourself I still see the old you in there." I tell her as I pinch her cheek that earns me a giggle.

"Thank you, Shepard. You are an amazing friend. I'm glad your back."

"Me too and its all thanks to you. You should come to the Normandy for some drinks and to catch up. I plan on staying in this system for a little while and rest it's been a tiring couple days. What do you say?"

"I'd like that Shepard. I'll change and head over in a little bit."

**Captain's Cabin**

Another interesting day in the life of Amy Shepard, there's never a dull moment. We are docked at the Shadow Brokers base and I'm waiting for Liara, who is now the new Shadow Broker, to come up to my cabin for drinks and the talk I owe her. I decide to go with wine for the drink of choice; Liara doesn't need to know about my vodka habit. As I pour two glasses, I hear my door open and Liara walks in wearing a stunning full length dress. If Ashley didn't capture my heart first Liara definitely would've had a shot. I now feel underdressed in just my jeans and blue v-neck tee.

"You look great in that dress, Liara. Did you enjoy the tour?"

"Thank you. Yes I did you have a very nice ship and crew Shepard. Kasumi and Jack were very interesting tour guides."

"I thought you'd enjoy that. They definitely keep me entertained." I say with a smile.

"Seeing the members from our old team was nice. I haven't seen or talked to them since your funeral." She says looking down "I brought something for you…It's your dog tags"

I'm shocked. I never thought I would see them again.

"Thank you, Liara. You have no idea how much this means to me." I set them next to my terminal then walk over to my couch, and take a seat.

"How are you doing, Amy? With everything?" she asks giving me a concerned look.

"I'm frustrated for the most part. No one believes me or is willing to help. People think I'm fucking crazy, well I kind of am but not about the Reapers. I'm stuck working with a terrorist organization because the Alliance and the Council don't believe me which is causing a rift between me and the woman I love." I didn't intend to say that last part but it just came out. I grab my glass and throw back all the wine waiting for Liara to say something. After a couple moments of silence, I look at her and I can tell she's shocked by what I said because I opened up and I can also see pity in her eyes. I do not like to be pitied by anyone best friend or not.

"Look I'm sorry Liara. You don't need to deal with all this stuff it's my burden to bare, no one else's." I say to break the silence as I get up and start pacing.

"Shepard we are your friends, your family. Everyone from our team has your back and will help you at all cost even Ashley." That makes me pause mid-pace and give her a questioning look.

"How do you know that? Garrus told you what happened on Horizon. She acted as if we had nothing like we were nothing. I explained to her about Cerberus and being brought back but she still hated me. I finally told her how I felt she said she moved on. I can't move on from her she's the only one I've let in since my family was killed. Well, I guess except for you because you've actually seen into my head."

"Yes I have I've seen what you've been through and I also saw you with Ashley. I understand your relationship but you didn't see her at your funeral. She was broken, Shepard. No one could console her not even her family. She didn't speak for months she barely ate all she did was lay in bed. I tried to stay with her as long as possible but I left so I could find your body after Miranda contacted me. I don't know what brought her out of her depression. We haven't talked since I left. She's in shock now give her time and she will come back to you so do not give up on her."

I just stand still in the middle of my cabin trying to absorb everything Liara told me. I can't believe I caused her so much pain. It's tearing me up inside. I should've told her how a felt earlier maybe it would've helped her. Liara got up from the couch and stood in front of me and putting her hand on my forearm, which broke me out of my train of thought. I give her a hug which I know surprises her. I don't usually do the hugging.

"Thank you for being there for her and for me. I owe you everything Liara."

"We are family. I'd do anything for you just like you have done for me." She says into my chest as she returns the embrace. I pull away a little to look her in the eye because I need to ask her a favor.

"Can you keep an eye on her? Being the new Shadow Broker you're the only one who can do it and you are one of the few people I trust." I ask in a pleading voice.

"Of course I will have an agent on her all the time. I promise."

"Thank you Li." I say as I give her another hug. "It's late so I should let you go. We are leaving in the morning to go help members of my ground team finish up some personal business and I believe I am going to find Tali as well before we go get the Collectors."

"You better come and see me before you get the Collectors and you better come back after you destroy them." She tells me as we pull away from each other's embrace.

"I will I have a family to come back too, right?" I say with a smile.

"Yes you do Shepard. Yes you do." She responds as she walks out of my cabin.

Well today has been an emotionally and physically crazy ass day, I think while a grab my vodka and sit in front of my terminal. Ash is going to get an earful tonight. I feel I need to talk to her more than ever tonight just to feel closer to her after I what Liara told me. I read her message again to feel that closeness I'm craving. I debated earlier about whether to message her back but after hearing what Liara told me I need to but not until tomorrow. Tonight I will inform her of my crazy ass day as I used to when we were together.

"So Ash today was an insanely crazy day which was kind of unexpected. I started today reading your message, which made my day better just knowing you are still willing to talk to me. I'm going to come back to you Ashley, I promise. Garrus was happy to hear you messaged me. He still cares about you even after what occurred on Horizon, he always will care about us he's the big brother neither of us have had. I talked to my new team member's Thane and Samara today. Thane is an assassin with a disease that is slowly killing him. He is going to help me because he wants to do something good before he dies. I respect that but I still feel like he is holding something back as to the real reason why he wants to help stop the Collectors. Samara is a conundrum. She is almost a thousand years old and like Liara you definitely can't tell. She is a Justicar. There is a Code that she follows and if anyone breaks it they die by her hand. There is no gray area its all black and white, that's why she had to make a vow to me so she wouldn't be forced to kill me if I break her code. We had two missions today the first was to save Miranda's sister from her crazy father, which was a success. Miranda was surprised I took the time to help her. Once we made sure her sister was safe I pushed Miranda to talk to her sister. I of all people know how important moments are with your family. After that Garrus and I went to help Liara with her Shadow Broker issue. It definitely didn't go smoothly like I hoped. We ended up being blown up, involved in a car chase, killed a rogue Spectre, and battling a yahg who was the Shadow Broker. I would suggest you look up what a yahg is on the extranet because I can't even begin to explain it. I also found out Liara was the one to give my body to Cerberus so they could bring me back. I…we owe her a lot, Ash. She told me what you went through after I died and I am truly sorry for the pain I caused you. I have been having more and more nightmares now that were not together. I've started to have more about you and it's tearing me up because I have no idea if you safe or not. I had a dream about you last night of the morning before I got spaced where I wanted to tell you I loved you. It felt so real everything we did up until I died. I felt it all. My last thought before I died was you and how I regretted not telling you sooner that I love you. I need you Ash. I'm going to send you a message tomorrow.

_Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,_

_Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,_

_Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,_

_Till then shall I love thee,_

_Till then shall I live in joy_."

I turn my terminal off and look at my dog tags. They represent everything I was before I died. They represent the way I met the woman I love. They represent who I am so I take them out of the display case and out them back on. Dr. Chakwas left the sedative she talked about on my bedside table because I couldn't see her tonight. I decide I shouldn't take it tonight since I've been drinking so I will take it tomorrow night. Hopefully, I will dream about Ashley again even if I have to relive my death.

_Sorry this took an extra week. I hurt my right eye at work a week ago and yesterday was the first day I could do anything except for listen to music and stare at a wall. My vision is still a little blurry so I apologize for any mistakes I tried to read through it a couple times to catch anything. I've been thinking about ideas during my bed rest so I should have another update by the Sunday at the latest._

_Hope you enjoyed it. Please review!_


	4. Chapter 4

"Till the End"

**Captain's Cabin**

Who would've thought it would be so hard to write a damn message. I slept for a couple hours of dreamless sleep just because I was anxious to write my response to Ashley. Medication goes through my system way to fast now that I am half machine. I worked out, ate breakfast, and showered like my usual daily routine but I don't usually finish it before 3am. It's 5am now and I still don't have anything written for this message. I don't even know where to start but I want to get it done before we get to Haestrom to get Tali.

"EDI how far away are we from Haestrom?" I asked out loud.

"We are 7 hrs away."

"Thank you, EDI. When Garrus and Thane wake up can you tell them they will be part of the ground team?"

"Of course, Shepard"

Now I have 7 hrs to write this letter and hopefully not screw our relationship up even more. Thank you, Cerberus. I can't decide how much I should tell her. Should I tell her what I'm doing, just talk about us, or both? I plan to give Liara the journal before I go to the Collector base so she will know what I've been doing. Now that I have an idea of what I want to write to the woman I love I focus and start typing.

**Haestrom**

"It's fucking hot on this damn planet. What the hell is Tali doing here?" I say as my shields short out yet again as I try to find cover from the Geth that are shooting at us.

"O you know those quarians they are a crazy bunch" replies Garrus as he snipes down a Geth with a rocket launcher.

"No shit. Thane have you found anything while you have been sneaking around in the shadows?"

"Yes I have Shepard. I've found some dead quarians and it seems someone else is alive on the other end of their radio."

"Sync us in Thane we are a couple minutes away from you. Stay put."

"Will do, Shepard"

"I like him he's a sneaky little fucker." I say with a smile. I've been talking to Thane and connecting with him, both of us know what it's like to lose the people we love.

"Is anyone there? Talk to me!" says the quarian on the other end of our comms as we meet up with Thane.

"This is Commander Shepard your men are dead. What is your location? Where's Tali?" I ask

"Damn it. I'm bunkered down in front of the building Tali is locked in but the Geth are trying to get through to her. I have men not far from your location keeping the Geth from coming behind me. If you get to them they can take to where I am. Watch out there's a Geth drop ship incoming!"

"Well crap we got to get to the other group. Move out." I order but just as we start to move the drop ship opens fire and a huge stone column falls on the group of marines.

"Son of a bitch" I scream "How the hell are we supposed to get through that? My missile launcher isn't that badass…I need to fix that." I say the last part more to myself.

"There are explosives around the area that should be strong enough to destroy the column." mentions EDI.

"Thanks EDI. Give me the locations on my omni-tool. Thane and Garrus find high ground and cover me with you sniper rifles while I go and get up close and personal with some Geth." I say with a smile. Ashley would've loved this she loves blowing up tin cans almost as much as I do.

After we get the two charges and kill a very large number of Geth we blow the column and enter a room where we hear Tali's voice coming from a console.

"Thane and Garrus see if there is anything interesting in here. I'll go figure out what the hell is going on here." I order as I head over to the console where I hear Tali's voice.

"Tali...It's Shepard are you okay?"

"Shepard...What are you doing here?" she asks in her computerized voice through her helmet speaker.

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I would see how my favorite quarian is faring on her secret mission. What is going on Tali?"

"We were running test on the sun and the Geth showed up and screwed us over." She says kind of surprising me.

"Apparently I have rubbed off on you Tali. Attracting Geth attention and cussing I don't know if I should be proud or worried." I say with a smile.

"We can discuss it later Shepard. How is my team?"

"They are all dead except for one he hasn't mentioned his name but he says he's by the building you are locked in. We want to help so send me coordinates and open this damn door that's in the way I can't read shit on the console to do it myself."

"That must be Kal'Reegar. I opened the door and I just sent the coordinates. I'll see you when the explosions stop."

"You know me to well, Tali. Okay guys lets go"

Once we walk through the door we see two Geth Juggernauts and a bunch of cloaking drones…perfect. I let my combat drone go and have it focus on the drones while I whip out my missile launcher and signal Thane and Garrus to stick with their sniper rifles. After about 10min of target practice on the giant Geth, the area is cleared and we move forward to meet a quarian I assume is Kal'Reegar.

"Commander Shepard?" he asks.

"Ya and you must be Kal'Reeger. So what do we have?"

"We have a full platoon of Geth and a self repairing Colossus in front of the door to get to Tali. I have a missile launcher and I tear in my suit. That's about it." He says in obvious pain.

"Is your tear contained soldier?" using the term soldier to make sure he knows I'm being serious.

"Yes, ma'am"

"Good. Okay here's the plan...Thane stick with your sniper rifle and stay with Kal'Reegar and pick Geth off from here. Garrus use your assault rifle and take the right side make sure to use overload as much as possible. I am going to take the left. No one moves on the Colossus until I say so. Kal you stay here I am not letting anymore of Tali's squad die even if I have to knock you out, Understood?" everyone nods.

"Alright let's do this."

We make quick work of the Geth they are cleared out except for the ten or so surrounding the Colossus. Luckily, there is a lot of cover in the shade around the huge AI cannon thing. I get into cover about 20 ft away from it and switch to my missile launcher.

"Thane, Garrus move in on the right side and focus on the remaining Geth around the damn thing and I will take care of the lard ass robot."

"Really, Shepard all by yourself?" asks Thane.

"You have no idea what she is capable of do you? Just try not to watch we installed a helmet into her camera so our minds can be blown later." Garrus says with a smile.

While they were talking I was reprogramming my combat drone to give off an overload shockwave right under the Colossus where the shield generator just so happens to be located. This will totally blow out its shields and it would only take a couple shots from my missile launcher to bring it down before it self-repairs. How I love technology.

"Open fire now" I hear Thane and Garrus shoot and all I have to do is wait until my combat drone gets to the giant robot. A couple seconds later, I get the signal from my drone and get out of cover and fire 5 missiles to now the shield lacking Colossus and it goes down. I notice that Thane and Garrus are still having trouble so I holster my missile launcher and grab my sniper rifle and gun down the two remaining Geth with rocket launchers.

"You guys couldn't kill ten Geth before I downed one Colossus. I am very disappointed," I say as I walk over to the two aliens. Garrus is laughing while Thane is in shock.

"What's the matter Thane haven't you killed Geth before? Why so shocked?" I say with a smirk.

"I've never seen a single person take down a Colossus before, Siha"

"Sometimes brains beat brawn, Thane. Plus this wasn't my first." I say as I walk toward the now unlocked door thanks to Tali.

I notice Tali in the back of the room, that has dead Geth all around it, and she is still working on a console. I shit ton of Geth were trying to get into this room and she never flinched, amazing. She still has the same suit on I saw her wear on Freedom's Progress and she has her shotgun strapped to her back as usual.

"So this is the secret mission you had to do?"

"Yes it is we needed to collect information about the sun because it is degenerating to fast and we don't know why. Since we used to settle in the planet you can tell why I didn't want Cerberus to know about this. Did Kal make it Shepard? She asks with a hopeful tone.

"You have one amazing Commander, Tali. I believe all the stories you have told us about her." Kal says as he walks up the ramp

"I wasn't going to let anyone else from your squad suffer Tali" I say to her looking her "in the eye". She knows I never would let anyone she cares about die if I was able. I get to be a tad bit protective of the people I care about, I knew Tali couldn't handle it if all her squad had died.

She nods in response "Let me just send this information to the Admiralty Board and I will go with you to stop the Collectors and I don't care what they say about leaving the fleet."

"Kal we will drop you off at your ship in our shuttle before we head back to the Normandy."

**Normandy-Engineering Deck**

Tali is now the head of Engineering and I know Gabby and Ken don't mind because it means less work for them. They are currently playing poker out of ear shot from us while Tali runs her own diagnostics. She wasn't too happy about working with Cerberus but she trust me so that was enough for her.

"Did you really mean it when you said you would hand me a grenade to blow up Cerberus?" I ask still surprised she said it in the first place.

"Yes, I did after what happened with the Flotilla and what we saw chasing Saren they need to be brought down" she says with conviction.

"I have rubbed off on you even after two years," I say while I look down at the floor a little uncomfortable.

"Your back now Shepard there is now point in dwelling in the past." She covers my hand with her three-fingered one, and gives it a squeeze. I hold on before she pulls away.

"Liara told me about what happened after I died and I'm sorry that you had to go through that pain. Not very many people who have died get the chance to say that to the people they care about so I wanted to apologize." I say with a little smirk and a squeeze of her hand before I let it go.

"Thank you Shepard but there is really nothing to apologize for you are back now and that is what matters. Do you want to talk about Ashely?" she asks tentively.

"Tali, I don't know what else to say. I told her I loved her and she said she moved on but then like a day later she sends me a message that says she can't lose me again. I feel like shit for putting everyone through my death especially her. When I woke up everything I felt was the same as the day I died nothing changed for me I guess I have to get used to the fact it changed for some people."

"Are you giving up on her, Amy?" she asked. She is the only person aside from Wrex that didn't show any romantic interest for me on the first Normandy so I know she's asking as a friend and as a little sister.

"I won't Tali. I can't, if I give up on her than I give up on everything. I'm saving the Galaxy so I can be with her whether I'm her friend or girlfriend, as selfish as that sounds it all comes down her." I say not able to look her in the eye.

"She loves you, Amy. I know she does but she needs to adjust. She knows you differently than the rest of us. We never got as close to her as you did and we never got as close to you as she did. Just give her time."

"Okay and thanks, Tali. I am going to talk to Jack and Jacob because they need my help. You want to come?" I ask finally looking in her eyes trying to diffuse the tension. I hope she says yes, I used to love going on missions with her we would have our combat drones compete with each other to see which one could cause the most damage…I have only won once.

"Yes, Shepard I'd like to come"

"Sweet. We will be going to try to find Jacob's father first then go blow up a Cerberus base that did nasty shit to Jack when she was a child. I will see you by the shuttle in an hour"

**Mess Hall**

Kasumi and I are sitting at a table in the mess talking about today's crazy events with Jack and Jacob.

"I can't believe Jacob's father did that his crew making them eat toxic food that rots their brains then having them worship him. Unbelievable" Kasumi says.

"Some people just can't handle it. He was power drunk and he didn't want it to end until it absolutely had to which was when he ran out of food."

"Would you do that to us, Shepard" she asks with a smile knowing the answer.

"Hell no. Odds are Jack would kill me then pull that shit just with the Cerberus crew." I say with a smile which quickly fades after I remember what she just went through.

"Should we talk to her?" Kasumi asks. We are the closests people to Jack and she trusts us.

"Not now maybe later. She needs time to process the fact someone else wanted to restart that facility and that other kids died to enhance her abilities. I have to go talk to the Illusive Man apparently he has something important for us to look at. I will see you later and don't go cloaking down by Jack she needs time."

"Got it, Shep. I'm glad you stopped that cat fight between Miranda and Jack. Miranda is starting to grow on me and Jack is a friend so I'm glad they didn't kill each other"

"Me too. Now we just have to worry about what they will do once this mission with the Collectors is over." I replay with a smirk and Kasumi chuckles.

"It must be nice to have Tali back. She really looks up to you and you are very protective of her."

"Ya, shes like my little sister who is a hell of a lot smarter than me." I reply with a smile.

"I like her she seems nice. Maybe I'll bet to know her."

"You should but I dare you to try and cloak around her. No one has ever been able to do that she always knows." I challenge her.

"We shall see, Shep." She replies as she gets up and walks away and cloaks herself. I get up to go talk to the Illusive man apparently something important needs doing. So much for sleeping.

**Collector Ship**

Samara, Mordin and I are on this powered down Collector ship that is way too damn empty. The Illusive man informed us of a turian signal that said they were attacked by a Collector ship and somehow they disabled it. We are walking around and it is way to quiet and there are way to many human filled pods all around. They have been running experiments on human and on themselves. It looks like when the experiments were done the bodies were thrown into huge piles. Mordin and EDI discovered from the test data that the Collectors used to be Protheans and deduced that the Reapers just repurposed the Protheans genetic make-up. That just keeps adding to the "Reasons to stop the Reapers" list I have in my head. EDI also discovered that this ship is the same one that was on Horizon, can someone say trap.

"There must be millions of those pods on the ceiling." Samara says and that pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Holy shit..." I say.

"Their goal must be Earth, no other reason to have large number of pods" Mordin states.

"That is not going to happen come on there's a terminal up ahead maybe that will tell us what the hell is going on something doesn't feel right."

**Comm Room**

"You set us up you son of a bitch" I am beyond pissed. It was a damn trap. We barely made it out before the Collector ship powered back up and blew up another Normandy.

"It was needed. They couldn't know you knew what was going on otherwise you wouldn't have been able to get the information about the IFF." The Illusive man calmly responds.

"I can act damn surprised if needed you ass. You put my whole crew at risk with that little stunt, never again. Now what is the deal with this IFF?" I ask still super pissed.

"It's your way of getting through the Omega-4 relay alive but they can only be found on a Collector or Reaper ship."

"Well it's a little late for that I blew up the last Reaper and the Collector ship is probably on the other side of that damn relay."

"We found a derelict Reaper and sent people to study the ship. That is your best option but I wouldn't go after it until your ship and your crew are ready for this suicide mission if you want a remote chance to survive."

"I'll make those decisions," I say as I walk out of the comm. room and straight into Miranda.

"Before you even ask I had no idea he knew it was a trap I would've told you I'd known, Shepard"

"I know Miranda. We're going to continue to build the team I know a lot of them have stuff they need to get taken care of so we will deal with that first. He went too far this time Miranda I hope you understand that." She looks down and nods. I know she understands his true nature now.

**CIC**

"Kelly it's still early any missions we can get done because I need to shoot something and I'm to pissed to try to sleep" I say right as I walk in catching her off guard.

"We can go to Tuchanka to help Grunt and Mordin," she says looking at my with slight concern.

"I'm not going to shoot you Kelly, unless you flirt with me then I will. That sounds like an excellent plan. I need to go talk to Mordin about my missile launcher" I say as I give her a tap on her shoulder and leave her shocked. No can't be said anymore clearly than that.

"Joker set a course for Tuchanka please and EDI can you tell Garrus, Tali, and Grunt to meet me at the shuttle 10 min before we arrive?" I ask the ceiling as I walk to the lab to upgrade my missile launcher so I will know be able blow up cement columns or Cerberus bases, which ever comes first.

**Tuchanka**

This is definitely not a planet I want to buy a summer home on for Ashley and I. The krogan really did a number on it fighting amongst each other. It's just a planet full of rubble no plants or anything. Grunt seems to be a bit agitated still, the baby take bred Krogan probably was not expecting this at all. He views me as his battle master mainly because I almost killed him when he slammed me into a wall. Grunt is an excellent muscle man but he's still a little immature and easy to fall into a "blood rage" during battle hopefully this "Rite" will fix that issue. Mordin has a former student being held captive, he assumes a krogan clan is using him to try and cure the Genophage. So that's our business here as well as seeing my old friend Wrex. We are about to reach him when gaurds stop us and I look to see Wrex yelling at some other krogan.

"Were here to see Wrex" I say to the gurads.

"You will not see him until…"

"Shepard!" Wrex yells.

"Does that work," I say as I push past him and grasp Wrex's forearm in greeting.

"Shepard my friend how are you? I heard you got spaced."

"I did Wrex. I've been brought back and I brought some old friend back to see you" pointing at Garrus and Tali who are right behind me with Mordin and Grunt staying behind a little bit.

"Tali long time no see you are the only quarian that has a quad worthy of a krogan. How are you?" he says grasping her forearm, as he did with mine.

"I'm good Wrex I see you have set yourself up nicely on your home world" she responds I can tell she's happy. Who would've thought a krogan and a quarian being friends.

"That I have. I'm trying to bring the clans together to help stop the Reapers. Garrus is that you? What happened to your face?" he asks with a chuckle.

"I decided to catch a rocket with it but I'm still more attractive than you big guy." Garrus says as he punches Wrex in the shoulder and Wrex does the same thing.

"In you dream's Vakarian. Have you seen Liara, Shepard?" he asks me coming to stand infront of me.

"Yes she doing well and has a new very important job." I tell him with the "I will tell you more information later" look.

"Good and how is that feisty mate of yours, Ashley? I always thought she was worthy of you." That question caused an awkward silence between the friends. Tali and Garrus were shuffling their feet not knowing what to say while I looked at the ground as a wave of grief took me over for second.

"We are having a disagreement over my death and Cerberus involvement, Wrex. She is fine though I saw her awhile back," I inform him hoping he drops it.

"Maybe she isn't as worthy as I thought. You are still the same Sheppard I know I can smell it Cerberus or not I would join you again but I have to help my people." He says with pride.

"I know Wrex and thank you but do not think less of her. I'm here actually for help these two members of my new crew need help. Grunt is in need of the "Rite" according to the nice guard that met us at the landing pad. Mordin has an old student that has been kidnapped by clan Weyrloc and we want to save him. Can you help?" I ask changing the subject.

"You will have to see the head scout about the salarian. Your krogan will have to go through the "Rite" I can smell it on him but he will have to see the shaman about that I have no say in the rituals. Where did you find him anyways, Shepard?"

"He is a tank bred by Warlord Okeer and pure krogan. He is amazing in battle but we are still working on his control." I say with a nod to Grunt.

"The "Rite" will help with that I hope he passes and because part of clan Urdnot but who wouldn't since you will be part of his krant," Wrex informs me.

"I'm going to be part of what?" I ask confused.

"He gets to bring a krant to help with the trials of the "Rite". Are you ready to lay your life on the line for a member of crew Shepard?" he asks.

"Of course I am let's go do this shit. I will talk to you later Wrex."

**Captain's Cabin**

If I didn't hate Cerberus so much I would go and find the person who thought the captain should have her own shower and fuck them senseless. I'm in the shower now trying to get all the dirt and grime I happened to acquire while wondering around Tuchanka doing more than I thought anyone could ever do on that planet full of rubble. It's been an interesting couple days in which I haven't slept that means no nightmares but also no Ashley. Once I am changed I grab the vodka with the intention of not drinking a lot so I can take that sedative before I sleep. I gave everyone the day off unless something important comes up. I plan on sleeping as long as I possibly can so I hope that's a strong sedative. "Here's hoping that happens," I say out loud as I toast a shot to myself. I sit at my terminal and check my messages. I have to talk to Thane, Garrus, Tali, and Samara tomorrow about personal things. The ship is now as upgraded as it can be so that is one less thing to worry about. No messages from Ashley or Liara though, I was hoping for something from Liara, I would've been surprised if I saw something from Ashley. I open the voice journal and start talking while I am looking at the picture of Ashley:

"The past days have been a blast from the past, Ash. I went and recruited Tali with Garrus and Thane. Thane is a good guy he has been through a lot and is not your typical cold hearted assassin because of it. Geth overran Tali and her squad while they were in Geth space researching the sun of one of their old home world's. You would have loved it I can't count how many Geth I took out. Most of her squad was killed unfortunately, by the tin cans but we managed to get her and one other marine out. She is now in the engine room as we speak fixing god only knows on the engine.

I also went on a couple personal missions; they were for Jacob and Jack. Jacob's dad was in the Alliance but his ship went off the grid years ago and the distress beacon was just activated. We went to investigate and it was bad Ash. He made his crew eat food from the planet that causes neurological break down while he ate all the rations from the ship. He didn't call for help until he was out of food. We turned him over to the Alliance and hopefully the brain decay can be reversed.

Jack's mission was just as bad. We went to investigate a Cerberus facility that held her prisoner and tried to make her a super biotic as a child. The Cerberus staff used other children as test subject to make sure the drugs they used wouldn't kill Jack, a lot of kids died. Then we found a past test subject child that escaped who wanted to restart the facility. I stopped Jack from killing him he didn't deserve it he needed help so I sent him to the Alliance. Once we got back to the Normandy this of course led to a confrontation with Miranda and Jack. I diffused that with a select choice of words but I don't know what will happen between them after we beat the Collectors, I'll worry about that later. I have to make sure Jack is okay in the morning."

I take a break and take another shot before I put the bottle away and go back to my terminal. I can not believe I did all this without her by my side…..it's not right.

"I then went to a powered down Collector ship with Mordin and Samara. Once we stepped on that ship my body was screaming trap and guess what it was a damn trap. The Illusive man set us up go figure, just another reason to shut him down. We learned from the information on the ship that the Collectors used to be Protheans, the Reapers remade their genetic make-up. We also found a way to get through the Omega-4 relay but we have to go onto a derelict Reaper to find it. We also assumed based on the number of pods we saw on that ship, they want to hit Earth but I will not let that happen. I want to build up my team more before we go get the IFF because after that we will be going straight to the relay. I saw Wrex today he asked about you and said you were worthy to be my mate, those were his words not mine. We had to save Mordin's old student from a different clan who actually didn't need to be saved he was just trying to cure the genophage. We saved his data and let him go. I'm all for curing the genophage but his way was sick. I think he's going to open a clinic on Omega or else Mordin threatened to kill him. FYI do not piss off a salarian.

Our resident take born krogan was having issues and Wrex said that he had to undertake the "Rite" which is like the test krogan take to mature into an adulth. This test involves the participate and their krant killing a lot of things including a Thresher Maw. I let him have the last shot on the Thresher Maw so he is the only krogan since Wrex to kill one. He chose me to be his official Battlemaster and I think I will be taking him out on missions more."

Another break there is just so much stuff I'm doing to have a future for humanity…for us, I think with a heavy sigh. Hoping there will be a form of "us".

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk to you lately. It's all coming down to the wire now since we know a way to get through the Omega-4 relay. I was hoping I would get a message back from you. I just want to know that we are okay on some level whether we are together or just friends. I need you in my life Ash in any capacity. It doesn't feel right doing all of this without you. We were supposed to spend the rest of you lives together blowing shit up. Why can't it be that way? I love you and I know you love me too. When I come back from beating the Collectors I'm finding you and I want to be with you if you will have me, friend or lover. I think you know which one I prefer. I love you, Ashley Madeline Williams.

_Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,_

_Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,_

_Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,_

_Till then shall I love thee,_

_Till then shall I live in joy_."

I take another long look at her picture and wonder what she is doing right now. Maybe she's with her family, off on a top secret mission, or drinking we do share that in common although I no doubt I've been drink more than her. I won't know until Liara does and I expected it would take more than a couple days to get everything straightened out in her new position. I sit on my bed and inject the sedative in my arm hoping it gives me a dreamless night or just good dreams of Ashley.

_Authors note:_

_I sat down and wrote this chapter yesterday and proofread it today to make up for the long absence. I already have part of the next chapter written with will mostly be from Ashley's point of view and will contain the letter. I know it was a filler chapter, I'm trying to get to Mass effect 3 where Ashley is involved._

_Please review. Hope you Enjoyed it._


	5. Chapter 5

_This starts with Ashley's point of view and the letter from Shepard I left you guys hanging on then it goes back to Shepard. Enjoy_

"Till the End"

_Ashley's POV_

_She puts a hand behind my head and gives me a tender kiss on my forehead and says, "Okay, I understand but I need you to know Ash, I will always love you"_

_That almost breaks me._

I awake with a start hearing a ping from my omni-tool signaling I have a message. Ever since I saw her on Horizon, my dreams have been about Amy Shepard, the good and the bad times. Horizon is the most reoccurring dream, that kiss we shared, God; I relive it repeatedly in my dreams. It wasn't like any other kiss we shared, there was so much more emotion behind it. She told me she loved me. I knew she did before she died but hearing her say it means so much more. I almost relented and followed her after she told me but then I remembered she is with Cerberus and that is something I can not get over.

As I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling, I wonder who would be sending me a message on my 4month long forced leave giving to me by Anderson. I'm at home with all my sisters and my mother until my leave is over so it can't be them. Maybe it's some old marine friend.

This leave is a blessing and curse. Anderson ordered me on leave after the Horizon mission, once I reported to him and the Council. Anderson pulled me aside and informed me of a few things once the debrief was completed. The first thing he told me was that Shepard did try to contact me after she met with him. Second, was that she is still a Spectre but she is associating with Cerberus. Third, he informed me he knew about us ever since the Saren attack on the Citadel. He seemed happy about it and he said that he would keep it a secret. I've tried to avoid thinking about the Saren attack but I have been avoiding a lot of memories involving Commander Shepard until recently…

_Saren is dead. We've saved the Citadel from the Geth and Sovereign. I turn to Liara to make sure she is okay after the fight then Shepard with a smile on my face._

"_Nice shot, Skipper. I thought you were going to just let Liara and I take care of Saren ourselves."_

"_Oh, Ash…you know how much I love taking head shots" she responds as she walks up to me putting a hand on my cheek._

"_I do but I also know some other things you like a lot more," I say as I lean in to kiss her but then I see the look in her eye._

"_MOVE!" Shepard yells as she shoves me toward Liara about 10ft away. Liara puts up a barrier when I realize that parts of the Reaper are breaking through the tower. I look for Shepard and see her running in the opposite direction heading toward something. When I look up a chunk of the ship is heading to where she is heading. I scream Shepard's name before Liara and I are buried under rubble._

That's the first time I thought I lost her and I never wanted to experience that again. I've witnessed her get shot a dozen times or was hit with a couple of missiles and she always came back after a stay with Chakwas. The chances of her surviving hit from a chunk of debris from a Reaper were very small. The memory of finding her makes me smile nonetheless…

_I am not giving up on her, she wouldn't give up on any of us. Only the Normandy crew is left working on the search the other Citadel crews stopped a few hours ago. Everyone has been taking shifts except for me, I won't stop until I find her._

_I'm off by myself on the far west end of the tower when I hear a noise. I slow down and listen then I hear a muffled voice. Once I get closer I can understand the words._

"_Oh fuck that hurts," Shepard says._

"_Shepard! Keep talking to me, its Ash. I'm going to get you out of there. Chakwas I found her bring everyone she's pinned." I say through my comm. as I try to get rid of the smaller pieces of debris until I see her face._

"_Hey, beautiful. I believe you owe me something," she says with a wink. I laugh as I cradle her face and give her a kiss on her forehead._

"_You won't get anything until we get you out of here. Stay with me, Amy." I say while I look her in the eye as my other hand runs through her hair so she knows I'm there._

"_You are so demanding, Chief Williams." Shepard replies with a smile just as Chakwas and the rest of the crew show up. I knew she was going to be okay._

With a smile, I get out of bed and walk over to my terminal noting that the sun isn't even up yet and it's way too early to be up. I sit and open up my messages to see just one unread message from "SB". I don't know who that could be so out of curiosity I open the message:

**Subject: Hey you**

**Ash-**

**To say I was surprised to see a message from you would be an understatement. After what happened on Horizon, I wasn't sure if I would ever hear from you again. That is what hurt the most. I need you in my life Ash whether you are by my side or not.**

**I understand why you are angry and disappointed with me. I left you alone for two years and wasn't able to contact you when I woke up. You also think I am associated with Cerberus. I would be pissed at you to if the situation was reversed but I am not with them Ash. They are just the only people doing anything to stop the Collectors from taking our colonies. You saw Horizon we barely stopped them but I'm getting reports about how the Collectors are wiping out whole colonies. I am just trying to save our colonies once I stop the Collectors I am shutting down Cerberus with the ex-Cerberus crew I have. The Illusive Man has been pulling some nasty shit and even his most loyal people are changing their allegiance.**

**I want to tell you again that I tried to find a way to contact and find you after I woke up. You were the first thought in my mind when I woke up in that Cerberus lab but everywhere I went people were stone walling me. It was like I could find everyone else in the galaxy but you, the Alliance and Cerberus did not want me to find you for reasons I still don't know. I have a new source that we can use to send messages through if that's what you want. I trust this source with my life and yours, I will tell you who it is if you ask me. My overprotective side, that you are not a fan of, still needs to know if you are okay so I can sleep at night. So please message me back. Even if it just says, you are okay.**

**I love you, Ashley. Nothing will ever change that. I will always come back to you because you are the reason I keep going. I am always and forever your Skipper, don't forget that.**

**Love,**

**Amy**

**Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,**

**Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,**

**Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,**

**Till then shall I love thee,**

**Till then shall I live in joy.**

Oh…My...God, is all I think as I sit at my desk in shock. I did not expect her to respond back after what I said on Horizon. I've regretted some of the things I said to her because I was so hurt and took it out on her. I believe that she died and Cerberus did bring her back but I just don't know how much of the Amy Shepard that I love came back. If so many things were different I would be by her side right now but sometimes love doesn't conquer all.

I don't know what her relationship is with Cerberus but she is right they are the only ones doing anything about our colonies and she is probably the only one that can stop them. She does seem to make a name for herself by achieving the impossible. Professionally she has the titles N7 marine, first human Spectre, the Butcher of Torfan, and Savior of the Citadel. Personally, she is so much more then the title that's who I fell in love with, the military titles were never a reason. I knew the Shepard two years ago and she would never join Cerberus so something has to be different with her. It's the only explanation.

She's having nightmares again. I can tell by what she wrote in the message, I know her to well she would never out right say she is having nightmares. She hates feeling weak and feeling dependent on someone or something. If I could guess they are about me, just as I've had nightmares about her, mainly about the time I watched her die from my escape pod. I remember our first night together she told me it was the first time she could remember not having a nightmare. Every once and awhile after that the nightmares would come back but I would always be there to calm her down and get her back to sleep. She rarely told me what they were about but talked in her sleep so I could usually figured it out. The nightmares varied from the slaver attacks on Mindoir to the Prothean beacons. I wish I could be there for her again but I just can't.

She say's she still loves me even though I told her I didn't anymore and that I moved on. I don't know if that was ever true. I think she figured that out from my message, she always knew me better than anyone did; Amy always had a talent of reading people. The poem is the most beautiful piece I've ever heard, it's the same one she quoted on Horizon. It was the first hint aside from that kiss that a part of Amy Shepard was still there. How can she still have such a hold on me? I think to myself with tears in my eyes until I hear my door open and I quickly try to wipe them away.

"I thought I heard you. Do you want to go for a run with me?" my little sister Sarah asks me.

"No not this time. I'm not feeling too hot." I reply

"Okay well I'll see you later than. I'm glad your home for awhile Ash." She says with a concerned voice. The same tone she used when I went into my deep depression after Shepard died.

"Me too. I'm fine Sis. Let's get lunch later?" I suggest trying to ease her mind and it worked.

"Sounds good I'll see you after my run." She says and walks away.

My whole family knew about Shepard and I and they were okay with our relationship. They actually loved her when they met for the first time on the Citadel at the awards ceremony after we beat Saren. Shepard paid for my whole family to come and stay at the Citadel as a surprise for me. When they told me that Shepard brought them all to the Citadel for the ceremony, it took all my self-control to not kiss her and show her how much that meant to me. We couldn't tell my family we were more than just friends until we arrived at their hotel suite. My family was ecstatic. Once, Shepard and I got back to our apartment I showed just how thankful I was for her surprise.

After Shepard died, my mother was the only thing keeping me going. She has been through the same thing when my father passed away. I needed her help now, no matter how old you are sometimes you just need your mom, so I leave my room and try to find her. She's in the kitchen making coffee and breakfast. I walk over, grab a cup, and unceremoniously plop into a chair.

"I see you are already having a good morning, Ash," she says without turning around from the stove.

"Oh it's been great so far, Mom," I say laced with as much sarcasm as she had given me.

"Is everything okay, Ashley?" she asks finally turning around and looking at me.

I look up into her eyes and reply, "No, it's not. It's like I'm losing her all over again and it's my fault," I can see a look of recognition cross her face; she knows who I am talking about.

"What has happened, Ashley?" she asks sitting across from me and putting a comforting hand on one of mine.

I leave her at the table and go get my terminal, bring it back to the kitchen and signal her to read it while a nurse my coffee. She knows about what happened on Horizon and the message I sent Shepard, she is the only one that does know I haven't even told my sisters. I can see looks of shock, understanding, and finally surprise cross her face as she is reading the message.

"Is the fact she's working with Cerberus the only reason you're not with her right now? Based on reading this and what you told me she said on Horizon I think she is just using them to save the colonies." She asks. Always straight to the point my mother is.

"No that's not the only thing. I understand now why she is working with them because no one else is helping the colonies but I can't associate with a terrorist group like that it goes against everything I believe in. It used to be the same with her." I say looking down at my coffee as if it had the answers.

"Okay, do you believe she tried to find you after she woke up?" This is something I haven't told my mother I'm not sure why I haven't.

"I know she did. Anderson told me and he stopped her from finding me. He didn't want me to leave the Alliance and follow her. He knew about our relationship" I look at my mom and she is pissed but I'm not sure at who. " but I know if she tried hard enough she could have found me. I know her to well."

There's a silence between us for a while as we process what could have been different.

"That's a little unfair, Ashley. Do you still love her? She obviously loves you," my mother asks. I can tell she is looking at me but I won't look up.

"Yes I do. I don't think I can ever stop but it's not that easy," I say in a whisper to my coffee.

"Why not?" she asks me and leaves me with the question I cannot seem to answer.

_Shepard's POV_

**Deck 3**

My lazy day was shot to hell, Garrus and Thane both had urgent business that could not wait on the Citadel so we had to make a beeline there. We just got back on board after dealing with their stuff, which resulted in missions that stopped two potential assassinations. I feel like I have done my community service for the day.

I'm sitting with a much more cheerful Jack after I had a long talk with her this morning and brought her along to vent some anger on some dumbass mercs on the Citadel. Kasumi and Tali are also eating with us while we are en route to the Migrant fleet to help Tali.

"I don't understand why they think you would or could commit treason, bucket head?" Jack asks Tali using her loving nickname, which took Tali awhile to realize it was a nickname not an insult.

"I don't either, Jack. I don't know what I would do if I was exiled." She says while nervously twirling her fingers.

"Don't worry Tali, Shep will never let that happen." Kasumi tries to comfort her with a small side hug.

"I won't let that happen, Tali. I promise." I say as a grasp her hand and give it a squeeze.

"We are approaching the Migrant Fleet, Shepard," announces EDI.

"Thanks EDI. Can you have Garrus meet Tali and I by the shuttle, please?"

"Of course, Shepard."

**Migrant Fleet-Alarei**

If the Admiralty Board still thinks that Tali is at fault for treason after we have just cleared a shit ton of Geth off this ship then they need to have their suits checked for drugs. We are pinned on a staircase with Geth coming from below and on both sides. Tali had the left, Garrus has the right and I get to take out all the Geth on the bottom of the stairs with my sniper rifle. Sometimes life is great.

It takes us awhile to finish off the Geth in the area, it seems to be their defensive position, based on what Tali told we are about to hit the main part of the ship that holds all of the important systems. Just as we are walking toward the main part of the ship I see a dead quarian and Tali running past me saying, "You can't be dead father." I was hoping we found him alive, ahe shouldn't have to go through losing a parent. He left her a message that told us how to stop the Geth but nothing for Tali. I could tell he knew she would come for him any daughter would.

"Hey, come here I got you" I say as I pull her into a hug.

"How can this be happening, Shepard? I wanted him more than a house on our home world. Why did he do this?" she asks while a hold her.

"He wanted what is best for you and to protect you. He loved you Tali don't forget that," I tell her. She pulls away and nods, "Your right. Let's finish this"

Once we got to the bridge, we learned that Tali's father and his team created the Geth here using basic parts Tali sent back to him from her missions. She had no idea and he didn't want her to know or be involved. This evidence would save Tali but also condemn her father. This complicates things...a lot.

"You can't tell the Admirals, Shepard. It would ruin my father's reputation. He was just trying to help our people," Tali says to me.

"This information would prevent you from being exiled. Will you risk that for your father's reputation?" as I ask the question I know the answer. I would take exile to save any part of my family.

"Yes I would, Shepard. I know you will protect me, that's why I don't mind taking the name "vas Normandy" You said were family," she tells me and I nod.

"Okay lets go talk some sense into your dumbass Admirals" I say as I turn to head back to the shuttle.

"Shepard I don't think you swearing at them will help Tali," Garrus informs me.

"I know but it doesn't mean I can't let it out on our way there."

**Normandy-Deck 4**

"So you are sure you don't want to be exiled? I mean your not Tali vas Normandy anymore and I thought it was a badass name. I can always go back and get you exiled," I say to Tali as I walk up to her and lean against the console she is working on.

"There will be no need for that I intend to keep the name. The board already said I could keep it; you proved to them that you are a captain who will protect her crew so they didn't have an issue with me keeping the name. I told you I knew would protect me."

"That is what a big sister is for right?" I say giving her a hug.

"So you have told me. Thank you, Amy for always being there. I hope you noticed Kasumi is cloaked behind you" she says the last part in a whisper.

"I know and anytime, Tali. I will always protect the people I care about. Kasumi I told you would never be able to cloak around Tali and I. Jack you can also stop hiding. I could see you by Ken and Gabby once I walked in." I inform the deck with a smile. Jack gets up from her crouch and Kasumi uncloaks herself a couple of feet away from her.

"How did you know that?" they asked almost simultaneously.

"I'm the amazing Commander Shepard. Now if you will excuse me I need to talk to our resident Justicar." I give them a smirk and walk away.

"Does she always know shit?" Jack asks.

"More than you could ever imagine," replies Tali.

**Deck 3-Observation Deck**

Samara is the most powerful biotic I have ever encountered she could probably take any of us out with a flick of her pinky finger. We have been meditating together to try to prevent more nightmares but so far that hasn't been successful and the sedatives only seem to last a couple hrs if at all. Hopefully, she has other ideas I mean she is almost 1000 years old.

"Hello, Shepard. How are you?" she asks me as she gets up from her usual meditation spot on the floor.

"I've prevented two assassinations, reunited Thane with his son, saved the Migrant Fleet and prevented Tali from getting exiled so not too bad," I respond with a smile while I look out the window.

"You have accomplished some very noble things the past couple days but that didn't answer my question," she says as she walks up next to me.

"You noticed that did you and here I thought I could fool you," I turn to look at her with a small smile "I am not okay. I'm still not sleeping and the dreams are getting worse and more vivid. I was wondering if you have any other ideas to help? I have run out of ideas and my previous definite fix isn't available."

"I could try a type of meld that would organize your memories so that the ones that are causing the nightmares are buried deep within your mind. It is not a permanent fix, memories will always comeback but it could help for a while."

"Asari can do that?" I ask with surprise.

"Yes but very few know how to do it without harming the other's mind. We do not do it often either because it shows us everything the other person has experienced. You won't be able to hide anything." I stiffen and look away from the Justicar.

"No one should have to see what I have experienced, Samara. Not even someone like you, some of the stuff in here would've killed any other human or so I've been told," I say as I point to my head. "The only other asari that has been in my mind almost passed out," I add jokingly to ease the tension," You sure you still want to try?"

"Shepard I've been around for nearly 1000 years I have also experienced and done things I don't want anyone else to know. I think I can handle whatever you need help with."

_You're the second person that said they could handle my baggage but now she is nowhere to be found,_ _when I need her and I know deep down she knows it._

"Thank you, Samara I will have to think about it. Now you sent me a message saying you need my help with something. I will help you in any way I can."

"Thank you, Shepard. You are a very strong and intriguing individual; I haven't met someone like you in a very long time which is the only reason why I am asking you to help me. This is a very personal matter. Do you remember the fugitive I was after on Illium?"

"Yes, I believe you said that you have been after them for a long time. Did you find out where the mercs smuggled the criminal too?"

"They sent her to Omega. I need to stop her now before she escapes me for another hundred years," she asks almost pleading with me.

"Of course we will go now." I say without hesitation and start turning to go tell Joker to set a course for Omega but Samara stops me with a hand on my arm.

"Shepard I need to ask that it is only the two of us that pursue her"

"Samara, what is so important about this criminal?"

"She's my daughter."

"Your daughter? What has she done? Why are you the one pursuing her?" I ask super shocked.

"She's an Ardat-Yakshi, she has a rare genetic mutation that's only common with pureblood asari. When she melds with her victim's she in essence overloads their nervous system and kills them. She's a murderer and she will never stop. She loves the hunt and the high she gets from it, the high increases with each kill. It's my responsibility to stop her no one else's," she informs me with authority but I can also hear pain. I put a hand on her shoulder.

"I know you don't want pity and I sure as hell am not going to give it to you. I would be doing the same thing you are it takes a strong person to do what needs to be done, even if it hurts. I will help you stop her no one else has to know if you don't want them too."

"Thank you, Shepard. Now if you will excuse me I have to prepare." she gives me a nod and returns to her meditations.

**Captain's Cabin**

I have reverted to drinking until I pass out and hoping the nightmares don't come process of trying to sleep. We won't be at Omega for at least 12hrs so I have plenty of time to drink myself to sleep. I think I'm going to take Samara up on her offer to meld with me, doing this on a daily basis is an absolutely terrible idea. I can't keep drinking or taking drugs to sleep were close to hitting the Collector base and I have to be at my best if I'm going to bring my team back alive**. **She trusts me with her secrets so I can trust her with mine even when it comes down to Ashley.I wonder what she is doing right now while I gallivant around the galaxy doing shit you usually only see in vids. I sit in front of my terminal while I take my first shot:

"I wish you were here, Ashley. I can barely sleep so instead I started drinking again. I don't know if you knew I drank a lot before we were together but once we were I found I didn't need to anymore. I've tried meditating and sedatives instead but it seems you or alcohol are the only things that help me sleep and I prefer you. Samara says she can perform a meld on me that might help but it won't be permanent. I'll take anything if it will help me be in top shape so I can come back to you after we take out the Collector base.

"I helped out Garrus and Tali since I last talked to you. Garrus found the man that betrayed him and his merc squad. We found him through Harkin he has gone totally bad and has been helping criminals evade C-Sec. He's in jail now with a broken nose via Garrus head butt. Once we found Sidonis, Garrus was hell bent on killing him for revenge more than justice but I couldn't let him kill a man who was already empty inside from guilt. It took me awhile to convince him it was the best course of action because he would've felt guilty if he did and I know how that it is.

"The Migrant Fleet accused Tali of treason; it was ridiculous to think Tali of all people would do anything to betray her own people. When we arrived, we learned that Tali's name was changed to "Tali vas Normandy" which according to her meant she was already exiled. No other quarian had a name from a ship outside of the fleet. I was her counsel during the trial because I am her captain. The admirals told us that the Geth overran one of their ships. The ship that was overrun was Tali's fathers. I thought well that's not fucking good and offered to clear it out to help them and to help Tali find her father. Once we got to the ship all hell broke loose. Tali was sending Geth parts to her father per his order but she didn't completely know what he was doing with them. We found her father's body with a message that gave us the information to destroy the Geth. Once we did we discovered that Tali's father and crew rebuilt the Geth with the parts that Tali retrieved. It was under her father's order so Tali was innocent. She asked me not to use the evidence but I wasn't going to use it in the first place, family is to important. I used my famous communication skills and stopped Tali vas Normandy from being exiled. She liked her new name so she kept it.

"Thane needed my help as well, while we were at the Citadel we found out his son was hired to kill a politician. He didn't want his son to be like him so we had to stop him. Kolyat, Thane's son, had the politician corned in his apartment. I wasn't about to let his son make the same mistake I did on Torfan when I killed the innocent batarians, so I distracted him and the politician was saved. No charges were given to him because I used my Spectre status to get him community service through C-Sec. I learned earlier today the Thane and his son became estranged after Thane's wife was murdered and Thane left for revenge. He never went home because he didn't feel like he deserved too. I told him no child wants to lose a parent in anyway so he should reconnect with him and he listened.

"We are off to help Samara catch a very dangerous asari criminal on Omega. This criminal apparently fries the nervous system of the people she melds with which kills them. She will never stop and she has been evading Samara for hundreds of years, we need to stop her now before she flees again. We are getting closer to taking out the Collector base there are just a couple things left to do. I hope you are doing well, I'm doing all of this for you Ash and the possibility of a future for us. I love you and miss you. I will talk to you later.

_Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,_

_Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,_

_Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,_

_Till then shall I love thee,_

_Till then shall I live in joy"_

I close the journal and walk over to my bottle of vodka on my couch content with lounging, watching my fish, and drinking myself asleep. I wonder how crazy my life can get. One minute I'm reuniting a father with his son then the next I'm help a mother kill her daughter. It's so fucked up. I'm about half way done with the bottle before a start falling asleep and my last thought as always is of Ashley.

_Ashley's POV_

I have been sitting on the porch just staring and thinking about Shepard. What is she doing? Who is she with? How is she doing? Where she is? That is all I've been able to think about since that message. It caused me to be distracted at lunch with Sarah. She could tell but I dodged her questions. My mother has been leaving me alone since she asked the question I can't answer but I know I need too.

I should write her back but I have no idea what I would say. I worry about her all the time mainly because she is with Cerberus now. Now I can tell she is hurting because of me and I don't know how to fix it. I can't go be associated with Cerberus I am Alliance to the core, I thought she was too. I then remember she told me she still loves me and I still love her, maybe I should at least tell her I'm okay, I would want the same thing if the situation was reversed.

I get up and head back to my room to sit and start writing a message back to Shepard, the woman I love deserves that much.

_Please Review _


	6. Chapter 6

"Till the End"

**CIC**

I'm in my armor waiting until we are docked on Omega looking at the Galaxy map wondering where Ashley might be right now.

"Shepard we are docked on Omega," says EDI.

"Thanks, EDI. Can you tell Samara to meet me by the airlock? Also can you open a ship wide comm. please?"

"It's done, Commander."

"Everyone we are docked on Omega we won't be staying long and I don't what anyone leaving the ship. Once our business here is complete we will be heading to Aite to investigate a down Cerberus operation. That is all just sit tight people."

"Shepard I am ready," Samara informs me after I finish talking to the crew.

"Good lets go. EDI once we leave the ship lock it down. No one can leave."

"Understood, Commander."

"You didn't have to ban people from leaving the ship, Shepard."

"Yes, I did Samara we are going after a criminal that hunts and kills people. My crew are some of the most powerful beings and I am not losing them because they hooked up with the wrong asari," I turn and tell her.

"I understand, Shepard"

"Okay now I think we need to see Aria about this she is the "Queen of Omega"," I say using air quotes.

**Afterlife**

"Ahh Commander Shepard, to what do I owe this pleasure?" says Aria.

"Just need some information again," I say taking a seat next to her.

"Maybe I can help you. Would you like a drink? It's the least I owe you for ending that plague and destroying 3 merc groups. Omega is a lot calmer thanks to you."

"It was my pleasure, Aria but it wasn't for your benefit it just had to be done."

"Whatever makes you feel better, Shepard"

"As for that drink I would love too but my friend and I are searching for a criminal. She's an Ardat-Yakshi."

"I thought there might be one here."

"You haven't taken steps to kill her?" asks Samara speaking for the first time.

"No she hasn't tried to kill me yet. You might want to go to the apartments. A sculptor, I think her name was Nef, was recently found dead. It resembled an Ardat-Yakshi kill."

"Okay thank you Aria. Maybe I'll come back later for that drink," I say as I get up.

"You should. We would have a great time," she responds and I just shake my head.

Samara and I made our way toward the apartments. I didn't like how Aria thought I did all of that stuff to help her. I just had to help those people and save Garrus, they were just in the way. I hope Samara doesn't have to kill me after I release her from her oath.

"Samara I didn't end that plague and kill all those mercs just to help Aria. I had to save those people and Garrus was being attacked by those 3 merc groups, I had to save my friend," I say as a touch her arm to stop her.

"I know, Shepard. Aria knows I'm a Justicar she was testing me and you. I know you didn't do those things to help her. You didn't break any part of the Code."

"Okay good. I do not like her and I am not having drinks with her, for the record. I was just being polite because she had information."

"Okay, Shepard," she says with a smile.

"Alright as long as were on the same page. Let's go talk to the victim's family."

**Apartments**

A couple minutes later, we make it to the apartments and found Nef's residence. An older woman answers the door and is a little shocked to see an asari and a fully armed human woman.

"Ma'am are you related to a girl named Nef?" I ask.

"Yes, I am. Are you here about her murder? I know she was murdered."

"We agree and we are sorry for you loss ma'am. We intend to find who did this and bring them to justice."

"Thank and please call me Diana. Would you like to take a seat?" she asks and I move to sit on the couch with Samara standing behind me.

"Thank you. My name is Amy Shepard, I am a Spectre and I'm working with my friend here to find the criminal we suspect killed you daughter."

"A Spectre?" she says shocked.

"Yes, the person that killed your daughter is very dangerous and needs to be stopped. Can you tell me about your daughter?"

"She was a sculptor, a very good sculptor, but she was shy and reserved. She was usually by herself until recently she was going out a lot to be with an asari named Morinth."

Samara makes a noise after hearing the name, "It's her name isn't it?" and she just nods.

"Okay, Diana. Do you mind if we look at her room to get a better understanding of what she did the past couple days?"

"Of course, I left everything just the way she did. I haven't been able to change it." She says as she leads us to Nef's room.

"We won't disturb anything, Diana. I promise." I say putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you, I will be in the main room when you're done." she says, turns, and walks away.

The first thing I notice in the small room is a very intriguing sculpture. She was very talented that's for sure. Next to the sculpture was her diary which mentioned Morinth, as I listened to the entries it seemed Morinth kept giving her information about vids, music, other artist and drugs. It was like she was trying to mold her into the perfect victim.

"Does Morinth usually use drugs on her victims, Samara?"

"Yes to make them easier to manipulate."

"Well she got Nef's hooked on Hallex. Why pick Nef? Why go after a loner? I thought she liked the thrill of the hunt?"

"It is part of it but she chooses her victims because they are unique or special in some way and I think Nef's artistic talents drew Morinth to her. Morinth doesn't just randomly pick her victims," Samara said with a thoughtful look.

"What are you thinking?"

"We set a trap with you as the bait. There is no way she would be able to resist you."

"Well shit I thought you would say that. Let's go find out where Nef usually went with Morinth."

"You're not worried about being bait? She is very powerful, Shepard. She can control her victims and make them her thralls."

"I'll just have to be mentally stronger than her. You have my back Samara. We both know this is the only way, if she sees you she will run again and I'm not letting her kill anymore if we can stop her right now, even if I have to be the bait." I respond with determination looking at her straight in the eye. There is now way I'm letting this crazy asari get away.

"Okay, Shepard. Let's go talk to Diana again."

"Diana, where did Nef go with Morinth when they were together?"

"She went to the VIP part of Afterlife. I only remember that because that's where they met and Nef was really excited about being able to get in."

"Do you know how she was able to get in? It doesn't seem like she would usually go there."

"When I was watching her vid-journal there was an entry about using the name Jaruut but I have no idea who that may be."

"Thank you, Diana. We have to go follow some leads. I am very sorry for your loss."

"We will do everything in our power to avenge your daughter," Samara says and puts a comforting hand on Diana's arm. She just nods and we walkout, I'm pretty sure I hear her start crying. This bitch is going down.

"So here's the game plan. You need to stay in the shadows she cannot see you until I get her alone. I'm going to draw her out at the club and try to get her to take me back to her place where I will signal you to come save my ass. Does that work? We don't have time to do anything else," I ask as we walk back toward the Normandy.

"Yes, Shepard"

"Good I need to go and change out of this armor and get rid of all these guns, those would definitely give us away. Although I have seduced someone dressed like this," I say with a smile thinking of Ashley.

**Captain's Cabin**

I can't believe I am doing this right now. I would much rather shoot a killer than try to seduce one. This plan has so many ways of failing but we don't have a choice, I am stopping Morinth tonight. I hear a ping at my door as I just put my earrings in while I am in my bathroom.

"It's open"

"Why the fuck can't we leave the ship?"

"Hello to you to Jack. Hello Kasumi. It's for everyone's safety, I'm going to finish everything in the next couple of hours and we will be leaving."

"What are you and Samara doing anyway? And why are you dressed like that," Kasumi asks as I walk out of the bathroom while Jack shakes her head and goes to sit on the couch.

I'm wearing black dress pants with a light blue v-neck tee that shows enough cleavage but doesn't make me look like a whore. My hair is up just in case this doesn't go well. Accessory wise I have my diamond earrings in that I found on Illium and 2 smalls rings on my right hand. The diamond and blue topaz rings are on my first and third fingers, I'm only wearing the rings in case I have to punch this asari in the face before she enthralls me. I am also wearing three inch black heels that Kasumi gave me to help her with the heist. Heels can be very deadly weapons if you want them to be. I also have a gun holstered on my ankle just in case.

"The criminal she was chasing on Illium is here. We found her and now I have to go and seduce her so we can trap her. When she melds with people she kills them I'm not about to have someone from my crew die because they chose the wrong asari to have a good time with," I say as I move over to feed my fish.

"Well if I played for the other team, you could consider me seduced with that outfit. Shouldn't you have more than Samara for back up?" ask Kasumi.

"Thanks but I'm already taken. We probably should but I don't want to spook her, it took Samara 400 years to track her down. I'm not letting her kill anyone else this will end tonight. Just stay on the ship it will be fine. Now I have to go to a bar."

"You better beat this asari's ass, Shepard," states Jack.

"Oh Jack are you worried about me?"

"No I just don't want to have to kill Samara for letting you die," she replies with a smirk.

"You do care, Jack." I say with a smile as I follow them into the elevator.

**Afterlife**

I feel very uncomfortable walking around Omega dressed nice I always feel like I need my armor and all the guns I can find just to take a stroll on this station. Now I just have rings, a small gun, and heels as weapons at least I have a powerful Justicar shadowing me just in case. We decided to go in separate as to not draw attention, so she went in first and I'm entering Afterlife a couple minutes after her. I just entered the club after I dropped Jaruuts name who ever the hell that is and I see Samara in an alcove in the club. I make my way over to her thinking this is going to be an interesting night that is for sure, not like my past bar experiences.

"Are you ready, Shepard?" Samara asks, taking me out of my thoughts of the past.

"Yes, I am. We have to stop her I will do whatever it takes."

"Thank you Shepard I can't imagine sharing this burden with any other soul."

"Samara we are friends…with or without that Oath I would help you," I say giving her upper arm a reassuring squeeze. "I'll inform you when I have her alone. We will finish this tonight."

I walk into the private section of Afterlife without waiting for a response from her, there really wasn't anything else left to say. The club isn't as crowded as the public side that Aria looms over, it just seems like everyone is just better dressed, so I fit in. Right as I walk in I have a guy ask me about buying Expel 10 tickets off me so he can impress an asari and my gut tells me that asari is Morinth, I tell him I do not have tickets. I walk around some more and I hear a couple of turians making comments about scores so I stop them. The whole time I'm walking around I can feel someone watching me, maybe Samara is right and her daughter is attracted to me. Fantastic. I finally make my way to the dance floor where I see a turian harassing an asari dancer.

"Leave me alone you pig"

"You have a mouth on you. I'd love to see you use it in another way."

"I would apologize to the lady for that comment," I say standing behind him with my arms crossed over my chest.

"You can come with if you want, more the merrier," he says turning to look at me, that just sets me off. I punch him in the face then knee his gut before I throw him across the room.

"Thank you. I guess security was asleep as usual," the dancer tells me.

"There's no need to thank me I wasn't going to let a drunk take advantage. Have a nice night," I say as I walk away toward the bar. Once I get there, I order the strongest human friendly drink possible and I feel someone come up behind me.

"You're the most interesting person here tonight," the asari next to me says.

"So you were the one following me," I say. It is a bold comment but if this is Morinth I know she will appreciate the directness. I look over at her with a smirk. She then nods in acknowledgment.

"There are very few people that come in and demand attention from the people around them."

"I guess I'm just special. Would you like a drink?" I ask leaning close to her ear. She nods so I signal the bartender for her drink. Once we get them, she leads me to a table in the back corner.

"What brings a woman like you to a bar on Omega?" Morinth asks once we are sitting down.

"A woman like me?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"A beautiful woman that's able to beat up a turian in heels."

"I wanted a drink and Omega usual has the best," I respond with a smile.

"We can agree on that. I never caught your name."

"Amy Williams at your service," I respond raising my glass. "And you are?"

"Morinth. I find you intriguing Amy Williams."

"I don't understand why. I'm just a wealthy merchant passing through looking for good music, art, and drinks. You are the intriguing one. I've worked with a lot of asari before and you have an edge about you that I haven't seen before," I say totally pulling this out of my ass and I can tell she is buying it. She leans forward with a smile. "What art have you found?"

"There's a good elcor sculptor around that my clients on the Citadel like so I've been following his pieces. I've also stopped her to see Expel 10 play in a couple days," when I say that she perks up with eyes wide open.

"Do you have tickets?"

"You're in luck I have an extra if you would like to come with me."

"What do you want in return?" she asks looks skeptical.

"Nothing it's a date. I don't believe in the rumors of the asari. Is it wrong to invite a beautiful woman on a date?" I ask feeling disgusted with myself because I'm flirting like I'm not already in love and devoted to someone else. This is how I used to be before I was with Ashley.

"It's a date then. Do you want to get out of her and head to my place? I have some vids and things I think you might be interested in," she asks getting up. I nod my head and follow her.

**Morinth's Apartment**

This has to be the nicest apartment on Omega. I wonder who she killed for it. She goes to a cabinet and pulls out bottle and starts filling two glasses then heads to the couch and takes a seat. I need to signal Samara so I walk over to a giant krogan statue and use that to block her line of sight so I can tell Samara where I am and to be here as soon as possible. Once that's done I turn and see a real chess set. If she wasn't trying to kill me I would love to play a game with her.

"I don't often see real chess sets. How much did that put you back?" I ask turning around to find her standing behind me with a glass of liquor.

"It was a gift. It is a fascinating game. Come let's take a seat," she says giving me the glass and I follow her back towards the couch. I sit down and take a drink while she sits right next to me, so close our legs are almost touching. I try not to freeze up because of how close she is, I do not like to be touched by people I don't know. It gives me flashbacks from Mindoir and what they did to my friends and family, dragging them either to camps or to their deaths. I put an arm on the back of the couch so I have some leverage to hold her down if I have too. I put my drink on the table and move away from her to create a little space between us.

"You never told me why you are here on Omega with this impressive apartment. How did you find it? I'd love to know so I have somewhere to go while I'm here."

"It was a gift as well," she says looking at me.

"Really? You seem to get many gifts although I can see why. I definitely have something that will top all this," I say looking around until I feel her sit on my lap and I tense up because it took me by surprise and I just really don't like it. When I look in her eyes, they are black and I can tell I am running out of time.

"Tell me you want me. That you would kill for me. Anything I want."

I feel an urge to agree with her but not a need as I would if Ashley said the same thing. I know that in my heart, body and soul. I look her in the eye and push her off me.

"Not this time, Morinth. You have obviously never seduced someone who already belonged to someone else," I say to her while she is looking at me in shock, I hear the door open I know its Samara. She immediately throws a biotic field against Morinth flinging her towards the window. I take that as my cue to get out of the way.

"Hello Mother"

"Don't call me that"

"I can't choose to stop being your daughter, Mother"

"Enough Morinth" Samara screams and slams her on the floor.

"I am the future of the asari Mother, you can't kill me for that," Morinth says as she then slams Samara. I'm not sure what I can do with just a pistol to help Samara, but right as I'm thinking that they through biotic energy at each other and are in a stalemate.

"Amy help me stop her I am the future of the asari. I'm as strong as she is."

"Shepard she's a disease to be purged nothing more," Samara says while they are still in the stalemate and I move towards Morinth.

"Shepard, shit," she says right as I grab her arm.

"That's me, your finished Morinth."

Her shock gives Samara enough time to knock Morinth down and hold her in a biotic field.

"Samara, do what needs to be done. I will be outside," I say as I walk away, before I leave the room I hear from Samara "Find peace in the embrace of the...,"

I wait outside of the apartment for a couple minutes giving Samara her time and space. What she did would be hard on anyone, no matter how old you are. She walks out and I just follow her while we make our way to the ship in silence, there is nothing I can say to her that could make her feel better. Once we make it to the ship, we go our separate ways but Miranda stops me while Samara walks to the elevator.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you Shepard? Locking everyone in the ship and going out on your own with Samara. You could have been killed and why are you dressed like that?"

"Is it really that shocking that I wear other clothes," I say sarcastically as I make me way to the Galaxy map. "Miranda it's fine I had to help Samara and we only needed the two of us, that's all I'm saying. If you have to tell the Illusive Man anything tell him I was having drinks with Aria and didn't want you to find me, he will love that."

"Shepard that's not good enough," she says behind me. That pisses me off I want to explode but she doesn't deserve that because she did bring me back to life, so I take a breath to calm down.

"Joker set a course for that Cerberus base I mentioned the other day, please."

"Aye Aye, ma'am,"

"Miranda follow me to my cabin please we need to talk," I tell her as I walk into the lift.

"Miranda because you brought me back to life is the only reason I didn't get Jack to through your ass off this ship for the shit you just pulled. I thought we trusted each other, I understand you report back to the Illusive Man, fine whatever I don't care about that, but this ship and crew are under my command. You are my XO if you are going to question me do it in private but never in front of the crew," I say standing in front of my bed while she is still by my desk. I pause to take a breath. "I thought you trusted me and I thought we were friends after I helped you with your sister." I say as I take a seat on my bed.

"Shepard I do trust you and we are friends. I've been off every since the Illusive Man betrayed us. It was just reckless going on Omega dressed like that with just Samara. I'm sorry I was out of line," she says taking a seat on the couch and I can see how conflicted she is by the look in her eye.

"Apology accepted just don't do it again. Come to me if you have an issue. Do you want a drink and then tell me what's bothering you?" I say as I get up to get the vodka and two glasses. She looks taken back about my offer.

"I can't remember the last time someone asked me that. I always work, I've never had the time for socializing," she says looking down.

"You didn't have anyone to talk to while you were a kid?"

"No my father had my whole day scheduled between classes, training and other activities. All I really had was Niket even at Cerberus it was the same thing."

"I'm sorry, Miranda. I am sure you know I took the alternate route after Mindoir. Enlisted in the Alliance when I was 16, they sent me to college that same year because I'm so good with technology, for 4 years I got drunk and slept with anyone I could find guy or girl, I didn't care. The Alliance put me in the N7 program after I got into one too many bar fights to straighten me out. That was another 4 years and it helped for a while until Torfan where all the things I was avoiding from Mindoir came to the surface and I almost single handedly killed every batarian slaver. My self-destructive cycle started again until Anderson picked me to be his XO, which surprised me because he knew everything I did, I still drank but after Eden Prime I totally changed," I say taking a shot and letting a silence come over us.

"I didn't know about all that drinking and sleeping around, Shepard."

"I was very discreet and the Alliance covered up most of it because I was too valuable of an asset to kick out but there were still rumors."

"They were right about that. What made you change?"

"I met an amazing woman. The whole point of me telling you that was to show people deal with their issues in different ways. You throw yourself into work. Now that's changing because your work isn't the same and your scared but you have people the care about you Miranda it's okay to go talk to them," I tell her getting up and squeezing her shoulder as I walk by. "I'm going to take a shower feel free to have another drink before you go and think about what I said."

"Thank you, Shepard" she says as she gets up and follows me and she pauses at the top of the stairs. She's looking at the picture I have of Ashley.

"Maybe I'll tell you about her when we talk again. Good night Miranda," I say to her and she just gives a smile and nods then walks out.

Once I'm out of the shower and dressed again I sit at my desk to go through my messages and I notice there's one from Liara:

**She is with her family. She was put her on shore leave for a month, she has 2 weeks left. According to my agent, she is out with her family or just at home. She is safe Shepard. I will have another update for you soon.**

Thank god she is safe is all I think, I would be broken if she wasn't. I wonder why Anderson put her on leave, I hope she isn't in trouble because of Horizon. He knows about what we had but never condemned us for it. I just want to see her again, I think as I look at the picture of her.

"You saved my life again today Ashley and you weren't even by my side. I had to help Samara with a unique type of asari today. It's the asari I told you about the other day that fries people nervous systems, they are called Ardat-Yakshi, her name was Morinth and well I was the bait. I had to do things that would attract her to me. I turned into the person I was before I met you and I hated it. I felt like I was cheating on you and we aren't even together, but I couldn't let Morinth kill anyone else. After she invitied me back to her place she tried to meld with me but thinking about you saved my life. Samara came in after I pushed her off me and killed her. She killed her own daughter. As cruel as it sounds I understand it, she felt it was her responsibility to stop her daughter and I respect that, I will have to see her after our next mission to make sure she's okay and to talk about helping me sleep. I'm going to clean up another Cerberus project tomorrow. I'm kind of in the dark about what has happened on Aite but I will figure it out and fix it as usual. I love you Ashley.

_Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,_

_Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,_

_Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,_

_Till then shall I love thee,_

_Till then shall I live in joy"_

I walk to my bed and take the sedative's I had on my desk hoping I can sleep and I'll just wake up when I do to go clean up a Cerberus mess, again.

_A/N- So sorry for the delay hope you like this chapter updates will be consistent from now on._

_More background on my Shepard will be coming up soon._


End file.
